gathered some old posts.....hope they help

[RosaLinda]

Thank you for compiling these posts, uR. You have taught me the meaning of letting go and what it means to detach, and have been helping me to be able to live it. I remember you telling us that you are grateful for your H's MLC, and knowing all the crap he put you thru, thought uR, you are out of your friggin' mind! 

But I've started to feel that way too. MLC has given me the opportunity to see that there were many things about me that were bad, and which I have been able to change. Many mistakes I have made in my marriage which I will not make again. 

I woke up afraid, very afraid, uR. You know that a few days ago my H told me that a big reason he does not leave me for his OW is because he fears his mom would never accept OW and he does not want to lose his mom. Yesterday H spent the whole day with his mom. I know one reason was to feel her out on this subject. 

My MIL knows H is in a MLC, and has been mostly supportive of my efforts to stand. Sometimes she forgets and tells me to kick him out But....she's his mom. What mom would not accept her son's new wife, even if she did not like her? 

I do not know what MIL said to him, but know that either OW's cause or mine received a big boost from her opinion. He returned cheerful, and acted perfectly normal, and this filled me with dread.  

So this morning I have been praying and suddenly remembered what you taught me about detaching. That we need to move forward, and not let our spouse's words and actions affect our feelings. 

And then I found this thread, and read all the things you wrote. About forgiving. About acceptance. How telling H that his crazy beliefs are not real or valid invalidates him.  About boundaries. About honoring ourselves and believing in ourselves and moving forward.

I cried while reading reading all that, but feel peaceful and calm, and accepting. Strong. 

"If you can accept that this is how things are right now, with the understanding that they will not always be this way, you are on your way."

i'm on my way. So see, you were an answer to my prayer uR. God bless you.