He said that he said he does not consider any woman faithful who uses a vibrator, this is one reason he told RT that I have been unfaithful to him, which is why RT feels justified in breaking up our marriage.
ROFLMAO!!!!!!!
And I wonder just how many times over the course of your marriage he pleasured himself? Did you consider him to be cheating on you with his hand??? For cripes sake, MLCers DO say the darndest things.
Now, there's a few separate issues to consider here:
1) Number one is taking care of yourself. Don't put your life on hold waiting for him to make a decision. And take note - you were accomodating and kind, but he's drawn to a demanding biatch? Sometimes I think we shoot ourselves in the foot trying to be nice to our spouses. (Read the book Why Men Love Bitches, kind of an eye opener). You may or may not decide you want him if and when he wakes up, he's leaving a mighty big trail of damage that he would have to work hard to repair. But right now you don't need to worry about that - you just need to worry about making YOUR life interesting and exciting for YOU.
2) Number two is looking after him. After all, even if you decided you never wanted to see him again, he has been your spouse of all these years and I know you really don't want to see him taken advantage of and ruined by RT, even if you do end up divorced. Dragging things out may take care of this on their own, as she may grow tired of waiting for this particular gravy train, or one of her other suitors may come through. He is reaching out a little bit through the fog, and you have to be careful how you word things, so as not to provoke a response in defense of RT - but you do need to plant the seed in his brain, that she doesn't have his best interests at heart, and that she will take him for all his money and leave him. Some small rational part of his brain must be left that thinks this himself. You might suggest that marriage counseling would be wise before leaving a 38 year marriage (I'd love to hear what a counselor would say about RT).
Or - you could take the aikido approach - roll with your opponent in order to throw him - start showing H a spreadsheet with the financial reality of his choice, show him the citation which shows that he won't have enough income to sponsor RT's green card, offer to "help" him get better employment so he can make enough money for RT (which, of course, lets you off the hook for some of that alimony, nicely).
3) You have to let go - you do the best you can to protect him from her, but in the end, he's an adult and you can't always protect him from himself. He may just need to have this terrible experience and it may not be in your power to prevent it. And you may find it remarkably freeing to live a life where you only have to worry about YOU.
