As you travel through all this, you will come to realize that you are grieving. Grieving the loss of your marriage, your spouse, the life you thought you were going to have. Even if you reconcile, it will be a different marriage. They will be different, and so will you. So, it is important to feel each stage of grief in order to move towards acceptance. You don’t want to get stuck in any stage. And I feel, in particular, the anger stage. Don’t get me wrong, it is healthy to feel angry. And you should use the anger to propel you forward. Use it to make changes, to figure stuff out. It is when you remain angry that it becomes unhealthy. Because holding onto it weighs you down. It becomes a shield and takes away your ability to see the rest of your journey. After some time, I realized that anger wouldn’t change the situation. But, it would change me. And I was not willing to sacrifice myself. I had to decide to change my mindset. I had to realize that the anger wasn’t going to allow me to move to acceptance. Accepting that this is how it is right now, but, knowing that it doesn’t mean it would always be like this. I know there are those who struggle with their anger towards the OP. I so get that. But here’s the thing. When you release your anger against them, it is the first step towards controlling your own life. It is you saying, I am better than this. I am in control of me and my life. I get to choose how I am going to live it. The goal should be that anger is not the driving force any longer. It served its purpose, it helped you cope, moved you forward. But it should not be a permanent part of your life. The hope is that when you release the anger, you are on the path of forgiveness Forgiveness is a decision to let go of resentment and thoughts of revenge. The act that hurt or offended you might always remain a part of your life, but forgiveness can lessen its grip on you and help you focus on other, positive parts of your life.
Forgiveness doesn't mean that you deny the other person's responsibility for hurting you, and it doesn't minimize or justify the wrong. You can forgive the person without excusing the act. Forgiveness is for you.
