I get how you are feeling and thinking because I felt and thought the same things.
I thought if I could keep telling him I want him and I want to work on our marriage enough times, that this day would be the one when he would say, Ok, Ur, I feel the same way.
Until it didnt happen.
The thing of it is this. There are reasons why your spouse feels the way he or she does. Some of them are true, some not, but they are their feelings so they are valid to them.
When you keep on telling him the things you do, you are invalidating his feelings. You are telling him, I know the words you are saying, but they are wrong, because I want you and I want to work on the marriage. Doesnt matter what you want or what you feel, it only matters what I feel.
I get the hanging on for fear that they will move away if you dont. But picture someone holding onto your pants leg as you are trying to move away. You keep shaking your leg to get them off, but, they wont go. So you shake harder and move further away, all in trying to stop them from hanging on.
When you db, you are saying, I hear you. I hear that you are saying you dont want to be married, you dont know how you feel, etc. I hear you. You dont have to agree with it, but, you do have to respect their feelings.
When you make changes it means you heard them. When you give them space. You heard them.
You also give them the opportunity to think. They arent hearing the noise of your words, because that is what it is to them at this point.
When they have time to think and they feel heard and they see changes, it gives the best opportunity for them to look towards you.
