As you are all at different parts of your journey, I thought I'd share some thoughts.
In the beginning, when you are blindsided, distraught, filled with hopelessness, it is too hard to see what you need to see.
So, you just try to get through the day, the hour, the minute. And that's ok. This is a shock to the system.
Then when you get your footing a bit, you hopefully start to feel a little less unsteady.
If you choose to walk this difficult path, you have to really believe that you will be ok, that you will feel happy one day again, because if you dont, you stay stuck. When you begin to detach, and let go of the anger and sadness, you begin to move forward.
And I am sure you have said to yourself, there goes UR again, telling me to detach and let go. Easy for her to say.
I wanted to tell you that I get that it isnt. I get it because I have been exactly where you are. I get it because I fell so many times, and I backslid and I was filled with despair. I came kicking and screaming into db.
Many 2x4's later, many tears later, many prayers later, I began to get it.
It is a mindset, you know. A choice, this letting go. It is a prayer to your spouse, to the universe.
It is saying that I hear what you are saying, I see that you are hurting, I understand that you need to do this. And I love you enough to let you.
It is in the holding on by us, that can stop the forward motion in them. They cannot be free to take those steps, if they are looking over their shoulders.
An amazing thing happens when you finally do let go. They feel lighter, but, so do you. You are no longer bound by their actions or their words. You are no longer tied to their emotions. And so, you are free to find your path, your voice, your strengths.
So, I wanted you to know I feel your fear, your questioning of the process, your anxiety, your sadness. I feel it because I've felt it to my very core.
That is my prayer for all of you. That you get that it is ok to detach and let go. It doesnt mean you dont love them, it means you love them very much.
Sometimes you just have to take a leap of faith and learn to believe that you love and honor the relationship enough to want your spouse to be happy, in spite of what may happen.
But what it really says is that you honor you, and trust in you, have faith in you. So much so that you are willing to do the work, find your way, become who you were meant to be. And that maybe, you will find your way back to each other. And if you don’t, you will be ok. I think that we should just do the very best we can. And maybe, if we are very lucky, happiness and peace comes from knowing we did.
