Jon you have been here before. You have pointed out that your w can be mean spirited before. You may be done, but you are reacting in the moment rather than taking time to let things settle.
Your w needs counseling and if you are gone anyway, you may want to attempt to help her get help without worrying about if it will drive her away or not.
Me-45 W-44 T-7 years M-3 years (4th anniversary July 13, but we're separated) Kids from previous relationships (s14 d16 mine, s23, s24 hers)
I actually mentioned IC a couple of weeks ago in a VERY round-a-bout way, and W's excuse is that she won't have health insurance once we're divorced.. W is already on three anti-depressants.
Sorry, I've just realized there is nothing I can say or do - when she calls me and is like "I don't want divorce, and I love you" - it's like a man who lived through a grenade blast wishing his legs were back. Not gonna happen.
My short-term commitment to all involved is zero contact until Monday night. Even THEN, I will not ask W for confirmation, I will ONLY respond if she contacts me.
Jersey - "done" for me isn't necessarily racing for court, although I did think about the dissolution.
I did take even another day to think about this. I still feel the same way. I realized that I have an unbelievably great life. This morning was football, this afternoon is a cookout, tonight going with some buddies to a new local brewery. Tomorrow church, then a farm to pick pumpkins, then to another friend's house for a huge harvest part for kids (40+ people going). Next weekend going to a haunted house Friday night, and then a halloween party Saturday night.
So while this amazing life is happening all around me, I'm boohooing over W, while she is the only negative spot in an otherwise amazing life full of love and happiness and friends and God and wonderful things.
Quote:
Take it from me, you need to step back, take a deep breath and gather yourself. Stop the pressure, stop the R talks, stop trying to convince yourself you're done. Find yourself.
AS said the quote above about two weeks ago, and I feel like that deep breath just happened, and I found myself in the midst of all the clutter. It feels good. It feels like ME.
Ugh, lost my cool for a second - W is still harping about how awful I am for keeping kids apart, and I finally got mad and said, "If you were actually being the wife you know you should be, they'd be together every day.". She said, "whatever". I know, I know, 2x4 city..
Not even sure why I'm wasting my breath, but boy has the LBS fog lifted. Findung it harder to come up with reasons to even like W right now.
I had a blast last night, and am gonna take a nap for a big bonfire and good friends tonight!
This too, happens. Somedays I don't even like H and you all know I love the guy!! Human nature, I think, when that fog lifts everything is so sharp and in focus.
I say maintain your distance, tell W to talk to her kids, explain how it hurts your kids to see hers when they know they won't be together. I always think truth is the best. Then she can rant and rave, but at least she knows why you are an A$$
Oh. And the comment about ugly babies? Really?? Sheesh
Well, I'm "officially done". I has texted W about S11s iPod being locked up, and she told me how to fix it. She always like feeling like she was helping, so I complimented her and thanked her. I was playing the XBOX she got me for Christmas, and told her it was the coolest gift - she said I never splurged on myself, so she wanted to. I told her she was thoughtful and I appreciated that in her.
Then she launched into a litany of the past; rewrite history about how hard she tried while I did nothing, blah blah. I told her I regretted the past, and that was the reason I was working so hard on the present. She said "F you, you shouldve done it before". I said, "I can't change the past, but I can ask for your forgiveness, and we can let it go together". She went on and on about how she had friends who would sign statements saying I had said mean things. So I asked her what purpose she was looking for with rehashing past, divorce, etc. I said again I can't change the past no matter how much I regretted it, so is divorce a punishment?
She said that I had been great for two months but it would fade and I'd go back. I said I didn't know how else to prove her wrong if she wasn't willing to see.
Then she went on and on about the past, and being nasty, and I finally stopped her, and said, "I am not going to discuss the past anymore, unless you want to talk to me about how it made you feel so we can improve communication or our relationship or something. To sit and play a blame game is just going to cause resentment and bitterness."
She launched into more, and I quit even trying to DB because I just stopped caring. I said why would you call me and tell me you loved me and didn't want divorce if you were just gonna let the past ruin any other options?
I said, "I'm moving on, I'm done. I told you I wouldn't quit on you, and I won't but you quit on me. So enjoy living in the past, I'm going to the future."
No response, and frankly, I don't care. I don't need any 2x4s, because my life is going to be better. I went to a cookout tonight, and didn't even miss her. I'm focusing on me even more now, and I'm sort of glad this is over.
