I was thinking today about my friends here and I wanted to share my thoughts regarding an OM or OW.
Those of you who know my story, know that there was an OW.
I remember how crushed I was to find that out. It was mind numbing, really. I felt like someone had reached into my heart and squeezed it as tight as they could.
But I also remember what I promised myself at the start of all this. That I would always act with dignity.
And so, I did not have any contact with her.
I knew her from H's past. She was his first GF many years ago.
She was very smart, well educated, and married. I remember for a brief moment thinking what does she have that I didn’t?
Then I realized, she did not have anything that I lacked. But I had many things that she lacked. She did not have my character, my heart, my compassion. She did not have my morals, my dignity, and my strength.
She did not even have my h, not in any real sense. She had a shell of a man, a broken man, a man who was lost and in crisis. She was, quite simply, a band aid.
So, I made a decision not to give her any of my headspace. She was not worthy of it.
Their affair was a house of cards, built on lies and deceit. There was no substance, no respect, and no character. It was two broken people looking for a life raft in the middle of a hurricane and a tsunami.
You cannot have a relationship sustain where its foundation is the breaking up of a marriage.
I knew that it could not endure with all those things as its cornerstone. How could it?
And it didnt.
When I spoke with my xh about it sometime later, I asked him, "Did you really think that relationship was going to last?"
His answer, "No, I knew deep down it would not. I was hurting and wanted a quick fix. That was all it was, I know that now. During my affair, while the adrenaline was pumping, so, too, was the guilt. But I didn’t know how to fix it or me. And so, I didn’t."
So, my friends, do not give the OP any of your power. Do not give them any of your headspace. Do not give them any credence, because they are not worthy of it.
Remember who you are. Remember what you are made of. Stand with dignity and remember that character and compassion and loyalty matter.
