WAW is in the midst of a severe mid-life crisis and I have done some things (internet porn) to aggravate the situation. I admitted to occasionally looking at the porn to her back in March 2013. I stopped immediately but W had a very severe reaction - smashing things, etc. and our lives have been on a rollercoaster ever since.
Although I think W is very good looking, her self-esteem is very low right now. We are still living together but July 1 she dropped the bomb and told me she wants to separate and divorce. She has been adamant and firm about this ever since and she does things to remind me "she is done" on a regular basis.
I have made a bunch of changes: July 3, I quit drinking. She has complained about me drinking too much. I had been drinking 1 to 3 drinks per day for many years and more on weekends and social occasions. Now I have stopped drinking on a daily basis but I still will have one or two drinks in social situations. I am still struggling with this a bit lately and I think I need to go cold turkey. It is a powerful addiction.
From March until July 24, I did a lot of apologizing, explaining, saying "I love you", asking for forgiveness and other needy behaviors.
July 23 I purchased and read a booklet put out by "Marriage Repair Center" and I have also purchased and read the Divorce Remedy book. I have read the MRC booklet many times and I have been following it and the similar "Last Resort" suggestions for the past 3 months.
I have made many small changes and 180's, helping out more, not being as controlling, more relaxed, GAL and she has noticed. She says "too little, too late" or "too bad you didn't do this two years ago" or "you are just following a book and changing to get me back".
But she has also said "What if I change my mind?" and "I am impressed by how well you are handling this"
I have also been going to counselling and working on GAL. I do not have very many close friends so this is something I really need to work on.
We were still having sex up until the middle of August. I was also making a point of hugging her when I came home but I have recently stopped doing this.
She has purchased a trailer to move in to and gets possession at the end of October. She does not seem to be in a hurry to move out yet and I have not been pushing separating.
Affairs & MLC: In August 2012 W started going to the gym and losing a lot of weight and she has been pursuing old high-school friends and old boyfriends. I was able to get her to stop texting and FB with the first guy back in November 2012. She has continued to pursue the second old boyfriend since Jan 2013. He lives out of town and she is texting, FB and arranging for visits as often as possible. She took him out for lunch when we were in the area Aug 6 and she flew down and to attend his mothers funeral August 23,24 & 25 weekend. She drove down again this weekend for a close friend's 50th birthday and will likely spend time with him.
I am having a very hard time sucking this up. I do not think they have had sex yet, since W is very insecure about her body, but it is a matter of time and it will happen. OM is a nice guy and very funny - always smiling and cracking jokes. I am also a nice guy but much more uptight and serious. OM is previously divorced and also has just ended a 5 year relationship.
W has scheduled breast implant surgury in December.
I need some help in determining the best course of action for my situation since she is still living at home but I am not sure how much I should put up with.
M 49, W 49 T28 M26 D19 D17 BD July 1, 2013 Separation agreement signed Oct 15, 2013 Still living together
