Thank you for the support, advice, etc. I still just feel dead inside....but then, at the same time, so hurt that I can't breathe.
I'm already so tired of crying.....so tired of thinking about anything.
I went and got a second bank account in my name this morning and put my paycheck in there. In the past few months, H would promise to leave my paycheck in there to pay bills but then would have some "excuse" to take out $300-500 dollars while I was at work, even though he gets paid about $500 every week (which he started putting in a "secret" account right after I found out about EA last October.
I felt like I, at least, needed to protect my ability to pay bills and feed the kids.
Haven't heard from H in any form since 11 PM last night when he threatened to kill himself. I'm sure he's just hiding out somewhere...and honestly, it's easier if he isn't here right now.
If he's not here, I can't yearn for him to hug me or tell me it's all ok.
He's probably with "her" convincing her how horrible I am and finally sleeping with her, out of spite. I hate him. I hate her.
I don't want to hear any more lies from him, or hear any more reasons why everything was all my fault and what a horrible wife I've always been. I don't want to hear anymore how much he loves HER. Ugh. Makes me want to throw up.
I did go to Starbucks and got a Pumpkin Muffin and Pumpkin Spice Latte, after going to the bank. YUMMY!
Then, my dad and brother were already coming to my house to take back a calf today so I went to lunch with them and enjoyed the time away from the house.
I picked up my kids a little early from school and we're home baking cookies and hanging out.
But, I feel so lost. Completely lost.
I know you have all been through this. I know that I suspected he was doing this for the past year. I'm glad I finally know the truth, for myself, saw the texts and talked to OW for myself....glad it's finally in the open.
But, will I ever feel whole again? My kids are the ONLY thing holding me together right now.
