How do I DB when I was the emotional abuser?

[MrBond]

So you didn't answer my question. Are you willing to be open to this process? There are going to be times when you might feel "judged" and start getting defensive. If you're willing to be open to things (even if you don't agree with them) and not take on a bad attitude, then we can help.

"How do I get a wounded, angry spouse to warm up to me."

With time and patience. Take a piece of paper and divide it into two columns. In one column, write down the things that she specifically said she had a problem with you. In the other, write down what you plan to do to change those things. PUt a timeline on them.

"Also, if I get asked to move out politely, how can I still DB?"

By continuing to do what you do.

"The problem is I still have to be around for the kids, so she can't exactly miss me, and all of the new improvements I have been doing in the mornings won't get done and won't get noticed."

Why do you think DB has to involve her "missing" you? Be the good dad you need to be and she can be attracted to you that way.

"I know my situation is not unique, but I need to figure out a game plan."

Follow instructions above.

"I know that there must be some hope."

There is.

"Also, a small piece of small talk slipped through the cracks this morning."

This is good. Write down all positive interactions and see what you can do about increasing those.