My roller coaster ride continues, but I am getting more used to the ups and downs and that helps make it a little less scary.
I am continuing to work on me and improve myself as a person, but my current work schedule has taken a little away from my GAL activities.
Others have posted on my thread suggesting that my situation fits within the “pursuer distancer” dynamic. The general suggestion for this dynamic seems to be “the darker you go” the better the outcome will be. I continue to struggle with considering and then rejecting going darker.
I believe that my w will just disappear if I go dark for the following reasons
We are both on our second marriage and our time together has been relatively short.
W was with her first H for 17 years and when he moved on she didn’t try to go back to him
We have no kids together
She has cut off everyone connected to me in her life including my kids
I believe that for my marriage to R, w will have to fall back in love with me. And the only way for that to happen will be for me to be at least somewhat present.
Yesterday my teaching time consisted of proctoring exams for 6 hours. During this time I sent my w a random text about a funny memory from the very beginning of our relationship. She replied that it was a strange flashback and I had too much time on my hands (her wording leads me to believe that she was mildly entertained). I text her back that I was proctoring tests and catching cheaters.. which I did; always a pain when you catch a student cheating… Anyway I will back off a little now.
Me-45 W-44 T-7 years M-3 years (4th anniversary July 13, but we're separated) Kids from previous relationships (s14 d16 mine, s23, s24 hers)
