Thanks, Starsky. I talked to H last nigth about his absence and asked him to inform me his schedule in advance for the best of our kids. But he denied in a very defensive and rude way. He said he doesn't need to and if I don't want to take care of the kids, he can have full custody. But in the meantime he also said he wants to move out so he can focus on his work since he was ver busy lately. I know it is an excuse, and It sounds so unreasonable and inresponsible. How can he have enough time to take care of kids while he is busy at work and meeting the OW? Anyway, H doesn't want to have the boundries. Though he claims he can take care of kids very well all by himself, but the reality is He even didn't have time to cook for them. He always let them eat fast food, and rarely checked their homework when I was not home. Most of the time I did the everything. How should I deal with him?
You don't. You tell him "Look, I have no desire to control you, but the fact of the matter is the kids need some structure and stability in their lives, and a monthly parenting plan gives them that. If you don't believe me, ask any good family therapist that you trust. In any event, let me know when you're ready to do that, because I'm not going to waver on this point."
And then stick to your boundary. He WILL test it -- repeatedly, I suspect, because I'm guessing that you have a pretty strong history of never enforcing them (or maybe not trying to even set them up to begin with).
Once he realizes you're serious about this, he will work with you to set up a parenting plan that's best for your kids.
