From 1986 to 1995, I received treatment for ADD. At that time I did not have ADHD, but just an attention span issue.
I went off the medication from 1995 until just two days ago. Every single symptom described in my ten years relationship with my wife and the five year relationship with her predecessor fits perfectly into textbook ADHD. I am not one to avoid medication, so I immediately went onto the Adderall.
She noticed some changes in me in one day but simply said things like "well, it looks like you can handle 50% custody of the kids at least." and "I'm glad that you're well. You can be a great husband to your next wife or girlfriend."
The problem is, she checked out a while ago, and so I don't know how much time I have.
Here are the 180s I did, with the help of Adderall, and they may be hard for people without ADHD to understand:
* Started anticipating the things she would ask for before asking for them, and providing them. Even things as simple as a glass of water while she is breast-pumping, or bringing her a napkin, or taking the baby without her having to ask. Unfortunately, she has alrady hired a woman to help us and has told her that I will be moving out. She insists that things are easier when I am not around.
* Started waking up early in the morning bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, again with the help of the adhd meds, which allow me to take over caring for our son, get him changed, dressed and soothed under the mobile.
* Immediately started taking over folding laundry in the morning. For a while this was my job but I was basically fired from it and W has been doing it for months. I'm slightly more domestic in regards to dishes and laundry, but I think if I do them before she even has a chance to ask, then that must be helping.
* Again, with the 180, going along with the divorce talk. She and I are shopping for a 2br or 3br condo in Burbank in the $400k range, and she has even expressed a willingness to co-sign on the mortgage. I'd leave it to her if anything happened to me, of course.
* I'm just being a very positive, cheery person. I sent her a message on Google chat talking about how our children are a physical manifestation of love. I used to say stuff like this all the time when I was a kid taking ADD meds, and I think it brings out the better facets of my personality.
The thing is, she's still meeting with her attorney today, 11/18, and still progressing with the divorce. She made her mind up years ago and even if I am on the best behavior in three months, I wonder if there is something more I can do.
We haven't yet had a stretch of 3 good months since she told me she wanted a divorce. However, armed with my diagnosis, I feel like a lot can change between now and January. Who knows?
When a woman files for divorce and says every day that she wants it, does it mean on the days she doesn't mention or talk about it, she could be having doubts? How do I know the resolve of a WAW. She once told her sister she wishes I'd go get a girlfriend and just leave her alone. She's very angry at me for the stalking behavior, and rightfully so.
Unfortunately, impulsive behavior is the hallmark of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, and that's what got me into a deeper morass between July and today. I believe I have that under control, even with regards to angery.
An example: My car ran out of gas today while I was driving my 3yo to school. It was very embarrassing and I had to tell her that the car was hungry. I didn't lose my temper or yell or anything. She was angry at me but I kept my cool. I did not raise my voice. There was no pressure speech.
How do I get a wounded, angry spouse to warm up to me.
Also, if I get asked to move out politely, how can I still DB? The problem is I still have to be around for the kids, so she can't exactly miss me, and all of the new improvements I have been doing in the mornings won't get done and won't get noticed.
I know my situation is not unique, but I need to figure out a game plan. I know that there must be some hope. Also, a small piece of small talk slipped through the cracks this morning. "Jennifer has been out sick with a cold." Jennifer is her coworker who hates my guts. Even saying that means she's let her guard down a tiny amount. Is that pretty good for 1 day.
