Hello Pregg. I just looked at your threads, whew! I cant even imagine being in your shoes.
First, it must have been very hard while he was gone. I mean, it was not the safest place in the world, huh? What did you do to get past any fear you felt while he was over there?
Now, he is finally where you can see and feel that he is safe and you get hit with the possibility of him being taken away anyway.
On top of that, throw in the massive swinging of your poor hormones. You truly are a very strong person.
I know it is hard to see the big picture when all of this craziness is swirling around you all day, but it sounds like you are still kinda centered on him. His moods, his thoughts, his words. You already possess some impressive techniques to deal with stress and survive or you would not have made it this far. Try and take those techniques and focus them on you.
It is hard to do, but right now it does not matter what his thoughts are. Trust me, knowing his thoughts will not help you in any way... yet.
He gets worried when you pull away. That is a positive emotion that you want him to feel. Don't let his worry scare you into stopping. YOU are not damaging the R. HE has done the damage and you cannot control him.
I think he needs to work through his guilt if he is going to come out the other end. For him to work through it, you have to allow him to feel it.
Trust me, I know exactly how hard and painful this is. I wish it were easier. But I promise, if you can detach and look at you, no matter what happens, things will start to become less painful and more easy for you.
Just move your mind to your babies and you when ever it lingers on him and your R. And if possible, post some goals and we can help you focus on them
