"homework" from job - Hi Job, thank you

[Underdog]

Pud,

I realize I cannot make him happy if he is not happy with him first. Same for me.

This sums up everything in very few words.

Backing up...

My H won't and doesn't spew at me (Thank God) so I don't know what he thinks I should fix. I have asked him for a list of such things in the past if he couldn't tell me in person.

Well, maybe you can back into the list. What behaviors, thoughts or belief systems push him (and/or others) away? For example, do you have to have the last word? Do you use one-upmanship to discount his pain? Do you have to be right? Do you get defensive when people offer criticism? Do you lash out in anger when you can't control people and/or situations?

I threw these out there because they seem to be common traits of those of us on the BB - and they were definitely on my own personal list as well. If one of those kick you in the gut, choose that one to work on and then put it on your list. Identify things you can do to change that behavior and go for it. Try one and see? You may not be comfortable for the first month while changing, but stick with it.

But for now I can't so I am looking at myself as if someone else would want to date or marry me, what would they see?

That's a great way to put your truths to the test.

LOL, you're in Aurora? I work in SE Denver, right on the border of Aurora and live in the DTC area. My XH lives in Aurora. So not far.

Sounds like you've got a lot to muddle over. It's a good place to start. Keep up the jogging and I'm sure you'll get some good ideas.

Stay warm!

Betsey