You may be surprised to know I'm sitting at my PC working actually. W had a delivery coming this morning (still spending money like crazy), and didn't invite me, and I wouldn't have accepted. She invited me over last night, and instead I went out with some friends to dinner. She also invited me over Monday, but I haven't responded.
Some thoughts: I have a couple of friends who separated for a year over the H's affair, and they got back together and are happily married for about 3 years since then. The W was the picture of grace - loved her H, stood up to the affair with appropriate boundaries, let him go, they didn't communicate for months - She started a bakery while he wasn't really helping out with the kids. He took half their savings and basically blew it over about 8 months. I asked him what his W did to change his mind - was it because she was so loving, because she let him go, etc? He said, "No, I actually HATED her for being so good. The only thing that changed was I woke up one morning and realized I needed to do the right thing." Interesting that her DBing (even though she didn't know that's what it was) actually made him hate her, and he just decided in himself to do the right thing.
Also, I had the talk I had sort of been dreading with my kids last week. Basically said W had decided to move forward with divorce, so our families would be separating permanently. I also said that it would mean the step-kids would be moving on, as would we, so we would be taking a little time and space and not spending time together as a family. Obviously they're going to see each other at school and outings and stuff, and that's OK. D13 cried a little, but she said, "I understand, and I think you're right that we should take some time apart because it's so hard for me to see them, because it always makes me want them back." She's so stinkin' responsible and mature.
Unfortunately, W didn't tell the step-kids like she said she would, so D10 was calling XW1 last night and asking for D13 to come over. I said not right now, and D10 was very upset. W called me all mad about how I was an a55 for not letting them spend time together, and I simply responded that I was so sorry for D10, and this situation was hard for everyone, but with D proceeding rapidly, it was time to start moving on.
Normally, I would've been like "Well, you filed divorce, so this is all YOUR fault, so why don't you look in the mirror." I'm proud I'm not that guy anymore!
I'm seriously at the point now where I may just sign the dissolution and give it to her. I know that seems like a rash thought, but my kids are prepped now. W's actions have led step-kids to believe she is divorced and has a boyfriend. W hasn't spoken to our common friends in weeks. She doesn't speak to her family except her aunt. Movers are getting her piano Tuesday, and that's really the last required topic of conversation that we've had.
Just seems that enduring three months of divorce proceedings is just gonna be torture through the holidays, and I'd rather spend it focused on the kids. If W changes her mind, it's easy to get re-married, and maybe being "free" is what she needs. Deep thoughts on a Friday morning!
