on the edge...

[dingo]

Well - i guess it may be important to say that I don't know for sure that she saw the OM outside of work. I had to help a friend move last Saturday. Around 11AM, she called to see how we were doing. I was busy at the time and didnt get the call. I tried to call her back and it went right to VM. Eventually she texted me back and even though i tried again to call, all of the communications that day was through text. I got home at around 4pm and she didnt get home until 5-530. She didnt have a good excuse for why she didnt call or where she was - just shopping and out running some errands.

Then of course I went out of town for a few days earlier in the week and who knows what went on then.

She has been depressed, quiet, etc since the weekend. I took that as a sign that she was unhappy around me but you think it may be a sign that she's withdrawing from the affair?

I can't believe anything she says as they've been all over the place from 100% divorce to i want things to work with you but don't see how they can.

Her actions have been somewhat more consistent and seem to indicate that she wants to stay married. She still cleans the house regularly, talks about improvements she wants to make to the house and yard, hasn't packed a single thing, has been looking for jobs (and even told me she asked the OM to look for another job and he has been)etc.

To answer the question of what I want - I obviously want this marriage to work out but more importantly, I want my life to start to move forward again. I gave an ultimatum and it seems to have had somewhat of an affect on her - maybe not the 100% desired affect but one nonetheless. I do want to see more action on her part - commitment, plan of action, etc but i don't want to force her there under duress. She knows the conditions that I gave her to stay in the house are still applicable - new job, zero contact whatsoever, commitment to ending the affair and working on the marriage with plans for both - as I reiterated them to her last night. I almost think I have to stick to my guns and ask her to leave if she doesn't agree to them within the next day or so. Even though this will probably push her to the OM in the short term, i don't know if anything else will push her off the fence.

Then again, sometimes I think I need to be more patient and loving and let her find her own way through this.