So, I just called H. First, I talked to S to let him know that, because his dad loves him, I thought he would want to know about the counseling and the depression. S was okay with that. Called H at work,(why at work?} and told him that I knew he was probably busy at the moment, but when he had more time, could he call me so that we could talk about S. He immediately wanted to know what was wrong, and said he'd make time right now. I told him about the counseling (not details), and that S had opened up to me a little - that he felt he wasn't in a good place and was very unhappy. I made sure to let him know that I felt the depression had been there before the separation, and that this wasn't his fault. Told him that I was letting him know because he is S's father, and I felt that he would want to know. And also told him that, while I would welcome and appreciate his input, I also understand that he is dealing with a lot of things himself, and that needn't feel pressured. He said that he very much wanted to help out, and that he would call me first thing tomorrow so that we could deal with it together.
I know you don't think you're a fixer but this above pretty clearly indicates that you are. You're a mother and that's what we do a lot of when our kids are small but as they grow up we sometimes continue to fix.
You definitely don't need to do that with your H.
Do you see how you made decisions about things that are his to deal with?
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
