W is respecting my desire to slow down a bit. But the most curious thing is she thinks D is going to help bring healing to our family. Huh? I could see R bringing about healing, but D? Really? So, now I'm the villian for dragging things out... We're going go out next week to discuss further.
ETC
"Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
Your w thinks that divorce will begin the healing process. Why? Because she thinks that this piece of paper will relieve the stress and guilt feelings she has and bring her much happiness. It won't. It's the mlcer's way of thinking. If nothing else, it will create a lot of heartache for all and the fallout of a divorce isn't always pretty. Her rose colored glass need a bit of tweeking.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Job, but of course I can't say anything about that, right? No amount of reasoning will turn her mind around, correct? The longer I take in fighting it, the more I become the cause of her problems. The sooner I say, "OK, you're right, we should D" the sooner W turns her focus to herself. This is my current internal challenge. It's like, the sooner we're D, the sooner she'll realize it doesn't really fix anything other than her being able to be more in the open with her A partner.
ETC
"Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
Of course there is always the possibility that by the time you get to discuss this next week she could have changed her mind, or forgotten, or thought of some other illogical action that will/will not fix her problems.
getting ready for D talk. At this point, my approach will be to calmly explain that since I believe true healing can only come through R, I have no interest in filing. W can do that if she'd like - I won't fight it, but I don't want to go along with initiating the process. Does this look like I'm still pursuing? Perhaps. But it's how I really feel and I want to maintain my integrity throughout this sitch as best as I can. At the moment, I feel great.
ETC
"Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
getting ready for D talk. At this point, my approach will be to calmly explain that since I believe true healing can only come through R, I have no interest in filing. W can do that if she'd like - I won't fight it, but I don't want to go along with initiating the process. Does this look like I'm still pursuing? Perhaps. But it's how I really feel and I want to maintain my integrity throughout this sitch as best as I can. At the moment, I feel great.
ETC
I don't think it is pursuing at all. It's standing up for your principles. Let her know that while D is not what you want, if she feels so strongly that it's what she wants you won't fight it... but also don't intend to do the leg work. I believe if stated properly, she will actually respect you for standing up for what you believe in, even though she probably won't like it.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
getting ready for D talk. At this point, my approach will be to calmly explain that since I believe true healing can only come through R, I have no interest in filing. W can do that if she'd like - I won't fight it, but I don't want to go along with initiating the process. Does this look like I'm still pursuing? Perhaps. But it's how I really feel and I want to maintain my integrity throughout this sitch as best as I can. At the moment, I feel great.
ETC
You are under no obligation at all to file for the divorce only your wife wants. Sure, she would love for you to do it for her, because then she won't have to feel guilty about it, and that way you become culpable for it. She might even creatively "remember" in the future that you were the one who filed - so the whole thing becomes your fault. And she is the innocent party.
Personally, I am not going to fight my wife's divorce, but I sure as he11 would not file it for her.
Me:52 Wife:49 Married 19 years Son:16 Daughter:14 Bomb dropped with ILYBNILWY: May 2013 Wife moved out 2Jun13
advantages/disadvantages to filing jointly versus pushing to be served. it's going to happen one way or the other. thoughts?
ETC
You should absolutely hire your own attorney. Yes it will cost you. Mine is going to run about $5000. But I expect that having him represent me will improve my settlement by $10,000 or more.
So in fact, his cost is really more money in my pocket. And less in my wife's.
Schadenfreude. At last.
Me:52 Wife:49 Married 19 years Son:16 Daughter:14 Bomb dropped with ILYBNILWY: May 2013 Wife moved out 2Jun13
