Thank you everyone! I slept for about 2 hours. I kept having strange nightmares and am exhausted. Weird nightmares about running a race with dinosaurs chasing me. Seriously....that is what I kept dreaming about.
I called my boss early this morning and took the day off because I get paid my monthly check today into our joint account. I'm afraid H will go by there and clean me out. He was freaking out when I found out yesterday and has been so irrational there's just no telling what he'll do.
I've been having a hard time getting my own checking account because he screwed up BOTH of our credit with his business checking account and no bank will open an account for me. I'm going to see if I can BEG the bank where we have our joint account to open one for me today.
cat04, thanks for the advice. I truly do feel like I need to DO something. Start packing, start looking for a new place, do this or do that. My mind just keeps circling around all the things that I "should maybe" be doing, now that I know for sure he was having an affair. "Being still" is really good advice, though.
The pain is still extremely fresh. One minute I wish he was here with me...and the next, I hope I never see him again.
I know "what ifs" are pointless...but here's the thing. My H was a compulsive liar BEFORE the MLC....before the affair. I just always forgave him anyway, for my marriage, for the kids. He's lied to me about large things and small things our ENTIRE relationship and every time I'd eventually forgive him.
What if that is a character flaw of his that he'll never get over? Now, that I know he's actually cheated on me...is actually in love with someone else....that he has been lying for MONTHS, directly to my face.....I don't see how I can ever trust anything he ever says again. Ever.
All night, I kept thinking about how much I love him and want our marriage to work for us and the kids...and then, I'd be hit with all the lies he's told...especially about the OW...and I realize that my marriage is built on lies. How can I live like that?
