I don't think ssmguy's the husband of the gay wife.
Yes, this touches on the theme which seems so contradictory in these discussions. On the one hand, the assumption is often that a woman will always want to have sex with her husband if only he works on himself and is a good husband. Or, it must be that her sexuality is directed elsewhere. Maybe she's gay, or is having an affair. That is, the underlying assumption is that any and all women are seething cauldrons of pent up sexuality, just waiting for the right competent sexual partner to come along.
On the other hand, the sexual literature reports endlessly about the loss of libido with age, especially for women after childbirth and menopause. It seems the MAIN PROBLEM is simply lack of libido, period.
And so if you combine these two facts, what you get is men with high libido who spend years trying to get their wives interested in sex, with ZERO results. I bet there are millions of guys like me.
I bet millions of guys are faced with sexual desire mismatch, I highly doubt millions of HD guys would stick with a completely sexless marriage for 10 years when their needs fundamentally go unmet. I would bet you are an exception.
Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11 Start Reconcile: 8/15/11 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced) In a New Relationship: 3/2015
I don't think ssmguy's the husband of the gay wife.
Yes, this touches on the theme which seems so contradictory in these discussions. On the one hand, the assumption is often that a woman will always want to have sex with her husband if only he works on himself and is a good husband. Or, it must be that her sexuality is directed elsewhere. Maybe she's gay, or is having an affair. That is, the underlying assumption is that any and all women are seething cauldrons of pent up sexuality, just waiting for the right competent sexual partner to come along.
On the other hand, the sexual literature reports endlessly about the loss of libido with age, especially for women after childbirth and menopause. It seems the MAIN PROBLEM is simply lack of libido, period.
And so if you combine these two facts, what you get is men with high libido who spend years trying to get their wives interested in sex, with ZERO results. I bet there are millions of guys like me.
We learned on these websites there are also millions of women just like you - who have a need and it continues to go unmet by their spouse. That it seriously and traumatically impacts and hurts them to be denied and essentially rejected.
Yes, your sitch makes me sad. I see a guy who is very sexually frustrated trying to do the right thing by his wife, and spending lots of energy rationalizing why her position is okay and acceptable when from an outside perspective it is not.
She seems to have you accepting that if her abstinence is a problem, then so is your sex drive, and one "problem" is no worse than the other. I can understand that argument in the context of the overall population, but not in the context of a marriage.
If you accept that, however, and can make peace with it, I guess that's the important thing.
Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11 Start Reconcile: 8/15/11 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced) In a New Relationship: 3/2015
Yes, your sitch makes me sad. I see a guy who is very sexually frustrated trying to do the right thing by his wife, and spending lots of energy rationalizing why her position is okay and acceptable when from an outside perspective it is not.
She seems to have you accepting that if her abstinence is a problem, then so is your sex drive, and one "problem" is no worse than the other. I can understand that argument in the context of the overall population, but not in the context of a marriage.
If you accept that, however, and can make peace with it, I guess that's the important thing.
Yes, your sitch makes me sad. I see a guy who is very sexually frustrated trying to do the right thing by his wife, and spending lots of energy rationalizing why her position is okay and acceptable when from an outside perspective it is not.
She seems to have you accepting that if her abstinence is a problem, then so is your sex drive, and one "problem" is no worse than the other. I can understand that argument in the context of the overall population, but not in the context of a marriage.
If you accept that, however, and can make peace with it, I guess that's the important thing.
I'm now starting to think not fulfilling your relationship partners minimal obligations for intimacy and a sexlife is terrible neglect. It's not going to kill them to do it, or cause them anguish or pain, they just don't like doing it and don't thnk they should.
However they are thinking you should be OK with going sexless and affectionless for 10 years...
ssmguy, what about having hand jobs re-instated. This way she doesn't have to feel "violated", and she can show you she simply does not want to spend any time on your physical pleasure, it's not important to her...
And those things apply to what they do after a year or two. Ten years is another matter, agreed. Most marriages barely last that long!
You've beat your head against this particular wall for so long, that your forehead is literally flat, and you have a raised skin at the portion where the fissures between the bricks. She's shaped you, shaped your response, expectation and world view...
