Walking Down a Different Street

[TryingToDo180]

Why do you think she is ready for that R talk? You do remember it's a marathon not a sprint don't you? It must be so frustrating for you getting so far with your W and not progressing any further but being stuck in limbo as it were.
Think how far you have come though. She said she doesn't want to D you now, I would take that as a big step up!
Just carry on doing what you're doing and don't initiate any R talks with her. Let her take the lead.
MH, what's got into you! You know the way it works. Here's a foam 2x4 for you Whomp! lol.
I also wouldn't go back to the place where you had your BD, that sounds very depressing. I would try somewhere new, if there's going to be any R in the future, then you need to start afresh and not tread on any old ground. Just my humble opinion

[MileHigh]

Looking back at it, she didn't really say we have to talk about anything right now. In fact, she really said she doesn't want to get into it, but if I want to talk... So, if it's still best not to, that's fine. But, this is about the 3rd time she's said she won't say anything because I made it clear I don't want to talk about it. She's referencing the time when I told her to stop rubbing my face in it, when she would go on about Mr Wonderful during the ugly text/email/FB msg battles before the D paperwork was filed (and later retracted).

What I meant is that at some point - maybe quite a way into the future - we do indeed need to talk about this and also about the last time it happened. At least that's how I feel at the moment. The last time, she it was none of my business (that might have been when things were really ugly, not after we decided to stay M. Can't remember exactly - but at some point she said it) and also that she didn't believe in counseling and wasn't going to talk to a stranger about her problems (when I wanted her to do some time of counseling, preferably with MWD when we were near her office). At some point I'll re-read DR section about the questions the LBS has and how to deal with them.

My problem is I most definitely would like to hear what she is thinking. All I can see is that she clearly misses some of what we had, but can't commit to working on M yet. She's happy to spend every weekend with me and sometimes more. We chat/text through the day. She wants me to keep recording shows that we can watch together. All of that is fine, but there's always that burning desire to know what she's thinking, doing, planning....

I know it's not been a lot of time by some people's experience, so if the committee thinks I should just let this slide by as a little backslide and get on with the program, I can abide by that.

My biggest problem with the sitch, outside of the unknown status of OM is the house. That's a pretty big thing. I'm doing the best I can with this place, and it's good for my PMA and all, but the house she's in is also 1/2 mine and the little kid in me that wants to scream that it isn't fair gets kind of uppity at times (in my head, not to her).

The physical tension is incredible, too. When I get any attention from the opposite sex - like the infamous taxi lady - it takes a lot to behave properly. I just can't see holding out for years in my monk-like state. Maybe if that wasn't something that had already been on hold for so long. The tension and frustration was absolutely unbearable while we were living like roommates and not seeking/finding solutions to our intimacy problems (that's why I understand her point of view and what happened when someone showed her some affection). There is that part of me that thinks maybe I should find someone more compatible on that score and not have to suffer for another frustrated 20 yrs. But, obviously the rest of our R had some good to it or I would have left myself.

So....for now, baby steps, don't spook the squirrel, keep up the PMA/GAL activity and go have a nice drive on Saturday?

[TryingToDo180]

So....for now, baby steps, don't spook the squirrel, keep up the PMA/GAL activity and go have a nice drive on Saturday?

Exactly I know it's hard playing this waiting game. My H still asks me to record things so we can watch them together, but at this moment in time I feel like deleting the ones I've already watched and H hasn't seen yet!
Next time she says we need to talk about this, blah blah etc. listen to what she has to say. However much you feel it would hurt you, it's another hurdle you have to get over when you feel ready to take it.
I hear what you're saying about moving on with flirty waitresses, although for me it's not flirty waitresses, lol. Although I'm not ready for another relationship at the mo, I wonder how long I will be able to wait around for him. Then again, you know what my feelings are towards him at the mo!
You've come a long way with your W and as I said you feel that you're stuck in limbo at the mo. Something will happen one day that will bring you closer just a little bit more
When your W said she won't go to MC with you because she doesn't like talking to strangers about your sitch, that is exactly what my H said. Maybe when she comes round and wants to start again, she may feel more interested in going to MC. You can piece without MC, but I feel it will be very difficult. I know this as I didn't go to MC the first time round and I don't think that all our issues were resolved.

[Not Quitting]

So....for now, baby steps, don't spook the squirrel, keep up the PMA/GAL activity and go have a nice drive on Saturday?

You got it MH Those baby steps are very important.

Enjoy the drive and the company!

[MileHigh]

Good GAL today. Even though I got up late and was sleepy. I went out to get the mail, and decided the weather was nice enough for a quick bike ride, even tho it was a bit cool. I like to ride around and look at other people's houses and get ideas for DIY stuff - I'm a garage/shop/yard voyeur!.

Since my vaca started it's been a mix of DIY shows, movies, and YouTube vids. Intermixed with DB Forum/FB, some mp3 listening and tweaking (darn those mp3 tags. LOL).

So, on that bike ride, I took a rode I'd never traveled. Amazing what you can find right near home. Cruised down a nice big hill, so while pondering the opportunity for exercise on the way back up, I spotted a big, flat rock between the road and the creek. I sat on it and just meditated a bit - used to just call it spacing out.

Was a good battery recharge! And that hill was some good exercise. Made it back up without stopping. Barely!

[TryingToDo180]

Sounds like you're having a great vacation I've got a week's holiday in a week's time, I can't wait

[Not Quitting]

I'm jealous of both of you - I've got only got 3 days left for this year, and one of those is scheduled for Remembrance Day (S13 has Cadet commitments). Boy do I miss the 4 weeks plus that I had back in the UK. Over here it's two weeks and maybe one week for personal/sick leave depending on the company and job level(although my bosses allow me to use that for holiday as well as long as I use it).

Glad to hear you're getting some relaxation in on your vacation MH .

[MrBond]

"but if I want to talk"

Don't. She has already told you that she wants to rebuild your friendship and see where it goes from there. You keep pushing her and she will not want to come back.

[RosaLinda]

"My problem is I most definitely would like to hear what she is thinking. All I can see is that she clearly misses some of what we had, but can't commit to working on M yet. She's happy to spend every weekend with me and sometimes more. We chat/text through the day. She wants me to keep recording shows that we can watch together. All of that is fine, but there's always that burning desire to know what she's thinking, doing, planning...."

Oh DMR, I agree with Mr. Bond, don't bring it up. Don't. When she is ready to talk about your marriage, she will. I know exactly what you mean, that you are dying to know what W is thinking, planning. I was just telling Bright that I drive myself nuts observing and trying to analyze my H's every word, gesture, twitch, to try to figure out what he is thinking. Well, he let me know a couple of days ago, and it wasn't pretty

I can see a LOT of movement in your W, a lot of positive movement towards you. She seems to really have changed a lot in her attitude towards you. She did not flip out when she got that email that you had named her OM's phone number "Handyman." (the fact that your phone company sent her that email at all, let alone at 5am, was extremely strange by the way). She wants to spend time with you, to go out for drives and to eat, still wants you to tape her favorite shows. I know you are impatient for your marriage to get back on track, to get better than how it was before, to have her emotionally and physically committed to you. I get that the physical thing is a big part of your frustration. But I am very afraid that if you approach her, you'll scare her off, and drive her way back into that MLC tunnel again. You said it best yourself -- stick to baby steps and don't spook the squirrel

Enjoy the rest of your vacation! Maybe you can find yourself a car, wouldn't that be nice!

PS I am a nurse. Do not ever ever mix up your long and short acting insulins again mister, do you understand me?

[MileHigh]

On the upside, the other day I decided to get her some of those little cans of Diet Coke to keep in the fridge here, since I've been buying 2-Litre bottles and she prefers cans. I got the little ones because she's trying to cut back on it.

She showed up with a bag of mini candy bars that she saw at the store and knows I like.

A while back on here I posted about how she has always done little thoughtful things like that and how I need to do it more often.

Right in sync that day.