Heather, the funny thing is because I suspected something was still going on, I kept praying and praying that it would come to light...if something was going on...just so I'd finally know the truth.
It hurts to find out what's going on, but I believe it's better to know. Especially when you've been wondering/worrying about what was really happening.
As long as there were secrets between you, your M wouldn't have had a chance. So perhaps this is the best thing that could have happened. God's timing doesn't always match ours, but I think everything happens for a reason.
M36 XH34 M-5 T7 4/11 H confused 5/11 ILYB 6/11 OW discovered 7/11 I move out, OW over 5/12-OW2,done->new EA, but H wont file 9/12 H "best bf ever" to EA/OW3 3/13 H/OW break up H files 4/13 D 6/18/13
I know how much this hurts. But, your instincts told you something was up. It's good to know you have accurate instincts. Trust them. They are there to protect you and now you know the truth. You can deal with the truth. It's all the secrets and "not knowing for sure" that will drive you crazy. The truth always rises to the surface.
Also, "Madly in Love" for a person in the midst of a mid-life crisis is very different from what you and I think of when we hear "madly in love." He is looking for a drug or a fix, not a healthy relationship where you build a life together.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
Just venting. I can't sleep and have to be up in four hours. Gotta get this mess out of my head. I am so sad. So hurt and devastated. Shattered, yet numb.
When I thought the EA had only lasted a few weeks and was over (a YEAR ago), I got past it. I dealt with the pain and tried to move forward. I've been working on our marriage for a year now, thinking we were getting somewhere.
All the while, he was waiting eagerly for every text from her. He was thinking about her....probably while we were having sex. It disgusts me.
Now, everything he has said to me for the past year was a lie. He lied to her. He lied to me. Over and over again.
In one of his texts to me tonight, before we quit texting, he said he was very sad because he'd ruined his life and the life of his best friend...HER. No consideration for the kids or for me.
I'm glad I have this forum and DBing...because honestly, right now, I want nothing more than to get away from him and away from the pain. I have to keep reminding myself about our children because I just want him gone.
Somehow, I have to get some sleep and be able to function at work in a few hours.
I will never be able to trust him again. Ever.
I guess I need to give this a few days before I make any decisions, but after some time to reflect tonight...I'm not sure I want to try to make this work.
The OW tonight actually told me that her divorce has been so bad that she hopes I'll forgive him and work on my M for my kids. I just want to scream and scream and scream until I can't feel anything anymore.
I can't stop crying. And it scares me, a little, that I just don't give a crap right now about my M. I just want to finally give up.
I keep waffling between trying to understand H's pain and sadness, especially now at losing his "best friend" tonight...and just really, really not giving a crap. He deserves every bit of hurt he's feeling.
Plus, he's trying to manipulate me...his last couple of texts he kept alluding to how now, his life wasn't worth living and maybe he just needed to be out of our lives "permanently". Part of me is scared he's serious (although he's at work right now) and part of me wants to tell him to grow up. He made this mess. He chose to cheat and to keep lying about it.
He chose to devote all his energy to her instead of to fixing our marriage. He chose her over his own kids these past few months.
I told him not to do anything rash or stupid...or anything that would destroy his kids. But, it really makes me mad that he's trying to guilt me into feeling bad for him.
Sorry, this is a lot. I'm just getting all these thoughts out of my head so I can try to rest.
Angela, hope you got some sleep. I know how tough it is. Its a new day today. and its a Friday. when I am feeling so down and so confused, I try and look for the positives in my life- I am so thankful for my children...they keep me up and moving or else I think I could easily hole up with my pain. So breath. get a shower, get ready for this new day. that relationship with ow is based on lies. really...who wants that?
M48 H50 M21 T26 S20 at college),S17,D15-cp, dev. delay- cogniv 5yrs old PA confirmed 7/2012 H separates 9/2012 H move home 2/13& 7/13 lasted 2weeks.ILYNILWY OW still in picture. h filed 10/13
Thank you everyone! I slept for about 2 hours. I kept having strange nightmares and am exhausted. Weird nightmares about running a race with dinosaurs chasing me. Seriously....that is what I kept dreaming about.
I called my boss early this morning and took the day off because I get paid my monthly check today into our joint account. I'm afraid H will go by there and clean me out. He was freaking out when I found out yesterday and has been so irrational there's just no telling what he'll do.
I've been having a hard time getting my own checking account because he screwed up BOTH of our credit with his business checking account and no bank will open an account for me. I'm going to see if I can BEG the bank where we have our joint account to open one for me today.
cat04, thanks for the advice. I truly do feel like I need to DO something. Start packing, start looking for a new place, do this or do that. My mind just keeps circling around all the things that I "should maybe" be doing, now that I know for sure he was having an affair. "Being still" is really good advice, though.
The pain is still extremely fresh. One minute I wish he was here with me...and the next, I hope I never see him again.
I know "what ifs" are pointless...but here's the thing. My H was a compulsive liar BEFORE the MLC....before the affair. I just always forgave him anyway, for my marriage, for the kids. He's lied to me about large things and small things our ENTIRE relationship and every time I'd eventually forgive him.
What if that is a character flaw of his that he'll never get over? Now, that I know he's actually cheated on me...is actually in love with someone else....that he has been lying for MONTHS, directly to my face.....I don't see how I can ever trust anything he ever says again. Ever.
All night, I kept thinking about how much I love him and want our marriage to work for us and the kids...and then, I'd be hit with all the lies he's told...especially about the OW...and I realize that my marriage is built on lies. How can I live like that?
