HELP!!!! I just discovered my H is STILL having his AFFAIR...don't know what to do/say!!!! I literally have NO ONE else to talk to.
Oct 2012 - I find texts on H's phone to/from H's ex GF from high school (we'll call her T) that were extremely flirtatious. They both promised it was never a PA. She is going through nasty divorce/custody battle. They both promise to end it.
Oct until now, I kept wondering if affair ended as H still has second phone and gets texts from "Mike" all the time that seem weird from a guy, like "Good morning. Have a good night?" etc. Also, he's making lots of trips to his hometown but not to see his family, who he isn't talking to.
Tonight, I go in to wake H to get ready for his night shift and his phone lights up on night stand, it's from Mike and says, "I miss you so much." So, I went against ALL snooping rules and grabbed phone. All day today, he's been texting her how "madly in love with her he is," etc. Through all the texts it is very obvious it's a woman and it's an affair.
I call the number and it's T (the ex GF) from last year, a year ago. She gets very angry because she was told that H and I divorced after their relationship last year. She has kids that she is in a custody battle over, etc. and she is afraid that I am going to ruin her name in their hometown, etc.
We end up having two really long phone calls. H is FURIOUS and frantic and starts screaming into the phone that I am lying and that we are divorced. Starts yelling completely irrational stuff at my phone. I get off the phone and want to scream, yell, throw things, and act crazy. But, thanks to DBing, I don't. I calmly let H rant and yell. Then, when he calms down he asks if we can talk about it.
We sit down, and I am numb. My heart is shattered but I don't even know what to ask or say or do. I cried a little bit, but no yelling. He calls me all kinds of names and tries to make it my fault. Threatens to "ruin" me.
I finally ask H questions before he can talk to her and tell her what to say. Then, I talk to her, for the second time. She could totally be a lying "you know what" but she seems sincere.
If she is to be believed (and they both said the same things, separately and without having a chance to get their stories straight):
(1) This has not been a PA, yet. She isn't officially divorced yet and wouldn't go that far with him. Plus, she's afraid of losing her kids because they aren't hers biologically. He says it because he promised me that he wouldn't cheat on me like that (but obviously he's a lying &^%$#@#$%^^%$%.....so who knows?)
(2) It's been texting and a few visits to go out on "dates". So they have seen each other.
(3) She claims she had no idea he was still married. He told her that we were D'd and that he lived in a town 20 miles from here.
What I'm confused about is that H and I have continued to have sex. He told me about 2-3 weeks ago that he loved me for the first time in a year. A month ago, he randomly grabbed my hand in the car and held it. He's been hugging and kissing me more.
I asked him about this. He said the feelings for me are still there. That he loves T in a different way.
And, I feel so pathetic and worthless because he kept saying, "I know you hate me. I know you want to divorce me now. etc."
And, I told him that I think marriages can be repaired from EA's like this. I told him that I didn't want him gone. I told him that I was confused and hurt and not sure what I wanted right now...that I need some time to process this.
He then said that he has felt for awhile that I don't want him around and that he isn't "done" yet on us...
There's lots more but I am just SPINNING and SPINNING. I have NO idea how to handle this.
He called me once on his way to work to let me know what T won't talk to him now. And to see if we can talk after I get off work tomorrow.
Talk about what? I thought his EA was OVER a year ago!!!! This whole time, he's been lying to me and cheating on me.
What hurts the most is that I saw the words, "I'm madly in love with you..." that he texted to her. How do I ever overcome that????
