Unlearning conflict avoidance 7

[Accuray]

Reflected sense of self = defining yourself by how others react to you.

Your own sense of self = being who you want to be regardless of how others respond

If W responds negatively to you it does not make you bad, and acting in a way that solicits a positive response from her does not make you good.

You need to find Luke independent of W, then assert Luke and let the cards fall where they may.

Make sense?

There is lots of hand wringing in your posts second guessing what to do and what to say based on how they will be received, even very innocuous things like where to plant tulips, what meal to prepare, what to say, how to respond, how to brush into W on your way by to get the best response. This is all defining yourself by the reactions you get. Determine who you are then act as that person would act.