"homework" from job - Hi Job, thank you

[Pudmuddle]

Betsey, thank you so much for that post. You all are definitely giving me my homework! Love it.

I feel stronger every time I come on these boards and read from the wisdom and experience. Hopefully I can soon really feel like I am being pushed out of this wheel rut.

I will look into the Debbie Ford site and books, sounds very fascinating.

On another note, I have seen glimpses of my old H the past few days. One time he called and asked if I needed anything at the grocery store. Me...shocked. So I let him know we needed salad stuff, lettuce, tomatoes, carrots. He said ok well send that to me in a text. He couldn't remember lettuce, tomato and carrots. LOL, ok. So I did. Then I noticed in the frig that evening that he had bought a guacamole I like and some extra veggies that I hadn't asked for. this is unusual because neither he nor my son eat the veggies I like to eat, so I knew he had done it for me.

Then he noticed a new jacket I had on and told me I looked nice in it. Then today, he noticed I had different glasses on. I had found them in an old box the other day and they looked like hot teacher glasses, LOL.

My S16 still won't tell his father what is bothering him, but he has told me. I told H the other day I wanted to respect S's wishes so I would not tell him until my S felt ready to talk to his Dad. H was actually accepting and ok with that, said I should absolutely respect S's wishes.

I took my S16 to a therapist today, to talk things out with since he has been feeling down and low. Good thing is the therapist said my son was mostly a normal kid. He did see a bit of depression and asked him to join a teenage group therapy. My S was kind of glad about this, so I think it will be a good thing.

Then when we got home from that H wanted to know what happened. I asked S if he wanted to start or if I could. He didn't say anything so I just said what the therapist said to me and about the group therapy. My H goes "Oh so you were there?" Um...Derhee? I think he is feeling really left out in this sitch, but he hasn't shown much in pushing to get involved either. My S just told him I will tell you when I'm ready. I think that hurt H.

Then when I asked H earlier about his day at work, he just grumbled and said "It's just the same old stuff, it will never change". This is something he has said for years about his job. In the past I tried to convince him to look at if from a different perspective then things COULD change. Now I just looked at him and said "well it could change". Not very validating but I just don't know what to say to him.

He has often said this in some heated discussions we've had in the past or in talking with things his family deals with...that things will never change. How sad that he is stuck there. I probably should have said 'I understand it's annoying for you, what do you want to do?" His reply in the past would have been, 'Nothing, it won't change'. Sigh.

He has been coming up to my room in the mornings when I have my light on and has small talked and then said Have a Nice Day. He wasn't doing that before.

I think he is not understanding why I have been happy the past few days. Pud is learning to detach and be happy! When I thought he had left for his kickboxing class, I was in the kitchen with my little dog, Hank, and I was exclaiming to Hank how happy I was to see one last pickle in the frig! LOL!! Normally my S eats them all.

My H happened to come back upstairs to retrieve his travel drink glass and heard my say this to my dog and H kind of had a funny smile on his face at me being silly.

Silly stuff.