Questions without answers...I'm tired of asking.

[albamarie]

I sound strong and I understand the words I'm putting out there, I just wish I was putting them into play a little better. I'm staying off H's whirly wheel tho.

~~~H speaks to me as if we are spending our lives out with each other and I can't stand the strangeness of that conversation.

He speaks to me about everything we are entangled in as a M couple as if nothing will ever change. In the same day he will say, don't put any hopes on me, I'm a looser.

My only response, I have to do what I have to do for me as do you for yourself.

My confusion is this. He says the future talk blah blah, then he says he's never going to stop being angry or be a H to me, and then he cuddles me and hangs around me, while at the same time saying this isn't the life he wanted, he failed.

I go about my day and there he is as I go to my room, or the kitchen, and then he asks me if he can make me lunch. Everyone always says go by their actions. Well, what the heck is this.

I stayed cool tho, I thanked him for doing the dishes, he said he can feel his resentment well up in him about having worked for 30yrs for nothing, I said what kinda cheese do you want on your sandwich.

It's like we both sound crazy talking in the room. My S24 was cooking and shaking his head.

Then he's asking me if I would consider leaving the state, moving for work. Then he said he's no good, I should go live my life, be free, and as long as he can work he will pay for me to live life since I want to and he doesn't.

I'm not putting any hope and dreams into his words it is just amazing how confused he is, shaking his head yes while his mouth says no.

He is very secure in the idea that I love him and am still holding him back, and will fight for him. I started to say, it's been 3 winters now since we have had...he interrupts and says "love", okay H!

There is nothing I can do apparently to make him feel unloved. He will never buy it. I love him until my death! He has tethered himself to me and convinced himself it's me who won't let him go. Is there a stage for this?

I'm doing well tho, no tears, no fighting, I am keeping to myself unless asked to join him and I am careful not to be too available because I do have a life going on somewhere.