The View from the Blanket VI

[Accuray]

Hi Busting,

H's choice to spend his B-day away from the kids obviously bothered you very much, sorry about that! That's painful!

My observation from your post above is that you are assuming H is being very deliberate in his decision making when he might not be. For instance, you are assuming:

"H chose to spend his birthday away from the kids. He chose to do that because he can't stand being with me, I am the problem for H"

What went through H's head was probably:

"I think I'll spend my birthday in Lebanon", and then his mind probably went on to something else, like what football games are on tonight, or what he was going to have for dinner.

See the difference? He didn't decide not to spend the day with the kids, and he didn't decide that you were the reason for that -- he just didn't think about it at all.

This is a common LBS trap, we assume that the WAS is being very deliberate when in fact they are probably not thinking things through at all and just acting on impulse.

I have historically had a similar challenge with my W. I will say "X".

Her mind will then go "He said X, and that means Y, and also Z, and I don't like Y or Z, so I will get mad about Y and Z, but not say anything."

If "X" was completely innocuous, you see the problem!

I see this pattern of thinking in your posts where you are attributing meaning to things that may have no meaning, or a different meaning, but your take on it is negative and seeks to condemn you as bad.

I know the conventional wisdom is to use "thought-stopping" exercises to address this kind of thinking, but the first step is to see it, and I hope you do see it, because it's holding you back.

I'm glad you had a great safari and the kids brought you such joy!

Acc