DARK - how do you do it right? I need help BADLY

[DTM]

Quick summary - married 14 years, two wonderful children. I made typical mistakes and caused an emotional disconnect with my wife. I love her dearly. I've read DB and Marriage Fitness. When she asked for a separation I hit rock bottom and did a huge 180 giving her everything she told me I had become complacenet with. Problem is she doesn't want any of it now. Any love I give (a gift, a note, a touch, etc) is absolutely not received or wanted. She has said she does not love me like a wife should love her husband and NEEDS SPACE! Yes, the space and time problem. How does someone do this correctly to be successful? All I want to do is give and all she wants to do is start over to see if my changes are real. I thought she was testing me to see if I would continue to give love and presence as she broke me down harder and harder with each day. We're at rock bottom, still live together but obviously no connection or physical relationship. She did the typical things over the years..not communicating her needs so that I understood them and now she is checked out.
She also had an emotional and short term physical relationship with another woman (her best friend) that to this day gets priority over me. I know what I should do - back way off, just do for the kids, GAL, be happy and WAIT......but HOW?

Thank you for taking the time...I need this badly...it's been 8 months of living hell and I am emotionally destroyed and broken hearted.