Yes, Bond, I burdened my W, and burden is exactly the right word. Sandi's advice to have a great time without her seems perfectly on the money, and I hope doing so now and in the future removes some of the burden. Perhaps it is this she was fleeing from all these years.
Yes, Bond, I have been hiding. That is the conflict avoidance unlearning. I've been rehearsing verbal responses to various situations on and off today, hoping that this conditions my mind to push back and regain some of what I've lost.
A small assertive 'victory', by the way, occurred when I visited my parents a few weeks ago. My dominant, patriarchal, 84 year old, Dad is now incontinent, much to his disadvantage (and those around him). I mustered myself and directly addressed this problem with him, three times, with ever increasing intensity, something I would not have done earlier.
It is funny how relationships develop their own dynamic. I am actually okay at meeting and addressing new people, out of the blue, at least one on one, which you might not believe from all the posts here. Somehow my W and I have an imbalance which isn't present in those other relationships.
My hope is that by finding my own happiness now and working on clearing the relationship with my W will improve things, no matter what the outcome may be.
I appreciate your honesty and insight, Bond, thank you.
M58, xW54 S22, D18 M 1984, D 2016 Living a new life.
