The anger is masking pain. Anger is an easy place to live. Pain isn't. But pain is temporary whereas anger will weave its tentacles all through your body. When you get angry, ask yourself why? Is it because you love your wife and want her to quit this crazy behavior and just come home already? And it brings you pain and sorrow that she does not? Or maybe it's because the sitch is hurting you financially, or taking you away from your D. Or maybe it's all of those things, or something else. Whatever it is, explore it, get to the ROOT of the pain and feel it, experience it, process it. Work through the hurt, don't use anger as a shield to hide from it.
I think my pain is coming from several things, a lot of what you mentioned above. One thing that hasn't been said, and something that I think is one of my biggest struggles is, the lost connection. I miss the very simple things my family had together. I never thought those things would go away, and today they are just memories that haunt me when I sleep. I also feel pain about past experiences and togetherness with my W and D, things we shared, things we relied on each other for. I guess it is hard to explain all of it, but it does still hurt, very much so. A final thing that hurts is knowing that I can never go back. Even if W decided today that she made a mistake and wanted to return to our family, I wouldn't be able to get past the damage that has been done. I wouldn't be able to get past the fact that she was living as a couple with another man and incorporated my D into that relationship as if she never missed a beat. I couldn't get past the pain and heartache she has put our families through, that she has put me through. That hurts a lot.
