That while it "may" become important for you down the road, the question of MLC or WAS or Fruit Loop on the corner singing into a rain barrel, the real focus should always start with you. And what you have to do for yourself to overcome the emotional overdose that you have been going through since the bomb. (or in your case, the past 15 years)
THAT has very little to do with what his actions are, and even more of a non-issue of what his words are. MLC or not, your path needs to remain the same.
The truth of what YOU went through needs to be sorted out, and you need to really see your role in how you got to where you are now.
How much of what you describe above, really reflects the kind of person that you want to be ?
How much of what you describe above, plays into who you want staring back at you in the mirror each morning ???
Are you the person that YOU want to be ??
Are you a person that you would want a relationship with ? A Marriage with??
Are you the person that you want your Grandchildren to know about ?
What legacy do you want to leave them ?? Do you live that legacy each and every day ?
Because you cannot change that after the fact.....
In my experience, MLC is such a widely placed diagnosis that we put on our spouse when their behavior has reached a place outside of the realm of OUR normal thinking. Is it a living thing? Sure it is, although they vary so widely throughout or society, and each as individual as the person that is going through one. No two are the same. Kind of a Snowflake theory.
Or is it just a flake ???
Nobody really will ever know for sure. And after time, it won't really even matter to you any more. Ten years from now, will it even be important to you ? Him ? Not really....
He will have either came through the tunnel or he wont have. You will either still be married to him, or you wont. Sounds far too easy ...right ?
Each step in getting there is hard, IF you choose to stand, and better yourself for your experiences. The easy route is to cut bait, and pull up the anchor, because the fish are biting down stream. You know there is a trophy fish there, you just have to decide what you want.
Confusion usually equals MLC, although you BOTH seem to have plenty of that for a lifetime.
WAS is usually pretty cut and dried. One partner wants out, walks away, and things are done really quickly. And when I say usually ? There are parameters of things being different....
Read Jack3Beans' threads. In there, he describes perfectly what he felt being a WAS. Or maybe you will get lucky and Cadet will find that particular post and put it here ?
So maybe take this time, to REALLY get to know who you are, what you want, and then decide how this all plays into what you THINK that you want now ???
Step away from a irrational , emotionally charged, guilt filled thought process , and figure some things out for you first...
