Everything is perfectly OK as it is. If W thinks D will solve problems in her life, I agree completely she should have the freedom to pursue this. I love her so much, I will let her go.
ETC
"Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
really struggling right now. W is pressuring me to file with her to "share the blame" and I'm not sure that I feel right about that since she started this whole thing. Can't keep my mind off of the sitch. Do I go along with her or do I push her to get the ball rolling... Any advice??
ETC
"Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
Sounds like you are being pressured by her into making a quick decision. If you are not sure at this point, I would give it time, at least a few more days to think about it. It is a big decision and you don't want to make a spur of the moment decision based on the fact that she's pressuring you. As you stated above, you are not sure if you feel right about doing what your W suggested. My opinion would be to wait for a bit, and think about the pros and cons and how you feel about everything.
Some things to think about....
Do you have someone close to you that you trust that you could get an opinion or advice from regarding your decision?
Do you feel like you will be willing and able to sit down with your W and calmly discuss all of these small details regarding your separation?
Would you feel more comfortable with your own lawyer?
Either way, do a lot of research and be sure you have a good understanding of your rights and obligations. You may need a legal advisor of some sort. And you can also do some research on your own from the internet, etc. And ask around!
In the end, do what is right for YOU and what you feel works best.
-cp
M: 8 yrs T:14 Twins:7 S:5 BD:'NLILWY': Feb/2013 Mar/Apr/May: MC June: "living in limbo" Sept 12: H moves out Oct 20: reconciling Jan-Feb 2014:MC Feb 2014: separating, and H moved out.
If you are pressured any more by your W to make a decision, simply tell her that you feel this is an important decision, and you will need a bit of time.
M: 8 yrs T:14 Twins:7 S:5 BD:'NLILWY': Feb/2013 Mar/Apr/May: MC June: "living in limbo" Sept 12: H moves out Oct 20: reconciling Jan-Feb 2014:MC Feb 2014: separating, and H moved out.
etc, If you don' want a divorce, then don't file, especially not not as a "joint filing. Why should you "share the blame" when she's the one that wants out? Also, I don't think it's advisable to have joint representation when it comes to divorce. Each should have their own counsel to protect their respective client's needs. Don't help her...allow her to do the dirty work if she wants it. I would suggest you go ahead and seek legal counsel, but sit on the information.
If you want a divorce, then file...it you don't sit quietly and allow her to do the work. If she continues to push, advise her that this is a major decision and you need time to think about it. If she continues to push, then advise her that you are not going to go along w/her to "share the blame". That she will need to file separately.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thanks CP & Job! I'm not making any moves right now, but I do feel that I've been wavering a bit. After doing some reflection and research, my DB plan at the moment is stand by my original plan that if W wants this she should get the ball in motion, but I'm will work with her amicably once she does that. I certainly don't want to pressure W into being M to me! I just don't understand why she's taking so long to do anything if that's why she wants? On top of that we're getting along pretty well lately so I'm definitely enjoying the peace. Part of me wonders if that's b/c she thinks I'm onboard for getting D and I don't want to ask. Ugh.
ETC
"Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
I just don't understand why she's taking so long to do anything if that's what she wants?
It could be that she's not so sure D is the answer herself. If you and the M were really THAT bad, there'd be no hesitation, right?
We all know that it will take plenty of time for our spouses feelings to turn around. Anything that slows the D process gives us more time. More time to be our new selves and show love and compassion. This will naturally will add to their ambivalence.
It's just that it takes so loooooong.
It seems in many of these situations (like mine) the MLC'er is not moving ahead with D. That's why Cadet tells us the key lies with us, and how long can we hold out hope. Tough, I know, but if the option is D, that's not going to be any easier.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
