having re-read my last post, I just wanted to say this experience has changed my reactions to certain situations.
I have a friend who is experiencing some marital problems, nothing this serious I hope, and I have lent her my DB book. But, in the past I would have probably taken her side and told her to give him an ultimatum, or some other push button response. This time I have encouraged her to look at her actions in the situation, and to take a step back to consider before reacting. Tried not to be opinionated, but to encourage her to think about what she wants. I hope it helps her.
I step back much more in general situation and try to think things through calmly and quietly before reacting. To keep my mouth shut until I am sure of what I want to say.
I think it helps me as much as it does my relationships with others.
"step back much more in general situation and try to think things through calmly and quietly before reacting. To keep my mouth shut until I am sure of what I want to say. "
THis is great!
ETC
"Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
I did a good deed today - went to visit an elderly ex neighbour who is in a nursing home. She just adores dogs, so I took mine with me to visit, along with another neighbour. One happy elderly lady, and several bemused by my dog.
The neighbour I took with me revealed she has just found out her H is having an A, and thinks he is having a MLC. I listened and gave her the details for this site. told her to read it carefully, and call if she wanted to talk. figured that was enough for her today.
I have just had people viewing the house, keeping my fingers crossed for a sale. I have an opportunity to move on that I want to take, unfortunately I need the cash to be able to do so.
I quickly went through your thread and I'm sorry to hear about you xSO's behavior. He sounds like he has really been possessed by Aliens! Changing his name? I've heard of others (my h included) of those that use their full name, William instead of Bill and vice versa but to actually change his name is really out there. Did he change it to his "character" in the game that he plays with his new social group?
Let him go for now. He'll no doubt rethink what he's done at some point. Your xSO gives new meaning to the term mlc fantasy land. He's taken it to a new level and seems to be have taken his social fantasy a little too far!
You did a great job talking to your neighbor about her h's mlc. I feel so bad for people that I've met outside of this board who are dealing with the same things that we are. I can't imagine going through this without the wonderful people that I've met here on this site.
Hope you have some positive news from the viewing earlier today. Let us know if you hear anything from the agent.
Me:57H:62 M:34T:35 2S,2D (grown nlah) BD:09/2012 visits M ow EA/PA?:10/2012 H moves out 06/2013
"Do not let the behavior of others destroy your inner peace." -Dalai Lama
My H actually called himself differently for some time this past spring. He had a sort of nickname he came up with and signed it in his e-mails for some time. Then in his mail to me he put his initial instead of full first name a couple of time, which he never did before. He is back to his real name now, but I thought it was kind of weird.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
Pud, NLT & BF - thank you all for dropping by with your support.
I had intended to start a new thread today - on a positive, moving forward basis. Unfortunately I received a bill in the post today for property taxes. my xSO has, to date, been paying all the household bills. It would seem the situation is a changing...
Pity that he couldn't see fit to communicate the matter to me in advance of his actions. a heads up would have been nice.
The bill shows a change from multiple to single occupance - dated from the day of his wedding!!! Something else he has conveniently forgotten to tell me about.
I was raging inside- my first thought was to find his car and paint F**K U all over it in black spray paint. However I have sat quietly for a few hours, written an e-mail (which I have not sent) and made some decisions about my future.
Perhaps the new, positive thread will start tomorrow. Until then I will quietly think of some other revenge tactics I can submit him to... DB!
All alone, The MLCer tends to forget to tell us things and yes, they do change many of the bills, etc. w/o telling us. He may not realize you are aware of the wedding and this was his way of letting you know about it.
Sit quietly and the answers will come. Do not contact him for a day or so in order to give yourself some time to calm down. You don't want to do anything you may regret later.
Hang in there!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I was raging inside- my first thought was to find his car and paint F**K U all over it in black spray paint. However I have sat quietly for a few hours, written an e-mail (which I have not sent) and made some decisions about my future.
Perhaps the new, positive thread will start tomorrow. Until then I will quietly think of some other revenge tactics I can submit him to... DB!
Wow. That Helps me today. Keep it in check. (Although the "f--- You woulda been fun for the first 15 minutes or so). Then, it would have been back to feeling lousy again.
Good Job!
Heather
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
