Digging In 2

[NTX_Dad]

Good job Jon, but one thing you said kind of grabbed me.

You said you want to go dark until SHE can figure things out and change herself. Maybe I am reaching here, but you saying that makes me feel like you don't get it.

You both need to change.

She is doing the things she is doing in reaction to your actions in the past. She has real pain and hurt. Unless she's a complete wacko, some, if not all of her feelings are probably valid. She is confused and has built a wall around her.

Your job is to figure out why she felt she needed to build that wall, make positive changes in yourself, and then slowly convince her to tear the wall down. Depending on the length of time and severity of her pain, it can be a long process and this sitch won't go away quickly.

Valid or not, her feelings to her are real, she is a real person that has thoughts and feelings. It sounds like you are assuming she's crazy and that you think you are doing everything right and waiting for her to get her head on straight. Until you break that thought pattern, you both will continue to spin your wheels in this sitch and possibly get to the final D.