Working on me

[FlyOnTheWall]

TYVM for your honestly, I appreciate you having to reflect on things so hurtful.

My point with the custody thing, and I appreciate your candor. But my bet is your husband could NOT make it 2 weeks anyways. In fact I bet he'd barely make it a few days. BUT, maybe that's exactly the perspective he needs to let go of the issue. Right now, he thinks your not being a good mom/housekeeper. I don't mean to make it sound like giving him a dose of his own medicine by any means. Just being able to let him see what the shoe is like on the other foot. Is it worth a few lists or phone calls to finally put that issue behind you? He might even gain respect for all that you've had to deal with. It certainly cant be easy, but maybe he thinks it is?

To be honest, I don't see that you have too bad of self esteem issues. Your obviously a strong woman. You've admitted that you've basically taken care of EVERYTHING, and he's basically co-dependent. I do understand that your hurt, and your confidence is shaken thou. Heck, who's wouldn't. Its the trust and betrayal, that's hard to forgive or get past. Are you getting any counseling for yourself?

Getting back to the time with your son, I certainly understand he's company. What are some of the emotional needs you think your lacking right now? What are some things you wish you could do, if money or time wasn't an issue? Obviously companionship in a way your son or husband cant give you. Is there a way you could change that? Is there a friend you do have in your class that's been more supportive? Who are you getting to vent to when your having your off/bad times?

Going to the gym, getting out, its all great! But do you have human interaction with anyone that you can share with, who's been supportive, a way to release things in your brain not just your body when it comes to your frustration? I know you post on MH's thread a lot, and I think he's admitted that he's staying busy as he can, but lacks people interactions. Do you feel the same? I know these boards are a good way of getting things out sometimes, heck sometimes its the only way for a time. Is there a way of changing that or doing something different?

Hang in there please!! Don't get discouraged, get detached! Maybe understanding, from his perspective, that maybe he feels like a failure, that he's had to be supported, that he cant do things for himself is why he's here. He's struggling with the fact, he cant even control his own life and he acts out on the only people that have been there for him. He's running, he's seeking, but cant find answers. Its a common tale that you cant take personally, let him try to find his own faults. The time will come, will it be fast enough for you? that's up to you.

[TryingToDo180]

TYVM for your honestly, I appreciate you having to reflect on things so hurtful.

My point with the custody thing, and I appreciate your candor. But my bet is your husband could NOT make it 2 weeks anyways. In fact I bet he'd barely make it a few days. BUT, maybe that's exactly the perspective he needs to let go of the issue. Right now, he thinks your not being a good mom/housekeeper. I don't mean to make it sound like giving him a dose of his own medicine by any means. Just being able to let him see what the shoe is like on the other foot. Is it worth a few lists or phone calls to finally put that issue behind you? He might even gain respect for all that you've had to deal with. It certainly cant be easy, but maybe he thinks it is?

I still think it's empty threats. I don't think he's serious as he's only got a one bedroomed apt and it will be a bit of a squash to have my son there as well. The other thing is that my H moans when he has my son over as my H has to sleep on the sofa and he doesn't get a lot of sleep. Over here, most dads have their sons over to stay every other week. My H has my son over one night a month! A friend of mine suggested that if he brings it up again, then he can go and get advice on how the benefits would work and whether he would get more benefits. He might change his mind once he realises that he can't get anymore money. If he wants money, I'll gladly pay him for jobs he does around my house. After all that's what his business is! He's refused up to now to do any work around here, even if I offer to pay him for it! I can't do anything about anything at the mo as we're not speaking. All I can see in the future for us at the mo is things getting worse communication wise, not better!

To be honest, I don't see that you have too bad of self esteem issues. Your obviously a strong woman. You've admitted that you've basically taken care of EVERYTHING, and he's basically co-dependent. I do understand that your hurt, and your confidence is shaken thou. Heck, who's wouldn't. Its the trust and betrayal, that's hard to forgive or get past. Are you getting any counseling for yourself?

I was getting counselling, but the lady I was seeing has gone on holiday for a few weeks. It still wasn't much counselling anyway, it was only once a fortnight. I suspect I'll get counselling from this woman's support that I'm going to be attending. It doesn't take much for my self worth, esteem and confidence to take a knock. I take things to heart very easily, it's one of my flaws!

Getting back to the time with your son, I certainly understand he's company. What are some of the emotional needs you think your lacking right now?

Someone to come home to and before you say anything - no I'm not ready for another relationship! lol.

What are some things you wish you could do, if money or time wasn't an issue?

If time or money wasn't an issue, I would go and have a relaxing weekend at a health spa I can't think of anything else I want at the mo.

Obviously companionship in a way your son or husband cant give you. Is there a way you could change that?

I don't understand this. If you mean a male companion then I'm not interested at the mo.

Is there a friend you do have in your class that's been more supportive? Who are you getting to vent to when your having your off/bad times?

I normally vent off to a friend I've got in the class. I try not to go on and on about it though. I've not spoken to her this week as we've not had an opportunity to speak because of how the classes are and us rushing off after class. I've got another friend I can phone and vent off to and she doesn't mind at all

Going to the gym, getting out, its all great! But do you have human interaction with anyone that you can share with, who's been supportive, a way to release things in your brain not just your body when it comes to your frustration? I know you post on MH's thread a lot, and I think he's admitted that he's staying busy as he can, but lacks people interactions. Do you feel the same? I know these boards are a good way of getting things out sometimes, heck sometimes its the only way for a time. Is there a way of changing that or doing something different?

I do meet up with friends on a regular basis for a coffee and a chat. I can vent off at them as well I'm off out in 2 weeks time when my H has my son over to stay to be honest, I can't really afford to go out that much because I've not got much money to live on.

Hang in there please!! Don't get discouraged, get detached! Maybe understanding, from his perspective, that maybe he feels like a failure, that he's had to be supported, that he cant do things for himself is why he's here. He's struggling with the fact, he cant even control his own life and he acts out on the only people that have been there for him. He's running, he's seeking, but cant find answers. Its a common tale that you cant take personally, let him try to find his own faults. The time will come, will it be fast enough for you? that's up to you.

Thanks for your insight I've not been able to answer this as deeply as you probably would have liked to but I've got to get ready for college, lol.

[TryingToDo180]

Well looks like I've got a busy day tomorrow I'm meeting a friend for a coffee in the morning and then meeting another friend for lunch Both of them are supportive friends I just want to lighten the mood again, I don't like it when things get heavy
More post arrived for H today, it's the usual case - I'll be damned if I do and damned if I don't let him know. I'm refusing to text or ring him after the way he's been behaving of late. I was going to give my son his post when he saw him on monday, but I forgot oops
I missed my business appt last fri, I missed the bus and they couldn't see me any later. Seems like everyone wants to start up their own business, lol. I'm hoping it is Friday and not tomorrow, I thought I put it in my phone calendar but I can't find it
Just watched a really funny episode of Doc Martin - series 6 episode 4. You must watch it, there's two old women on there and they are so funny, hehe

[woody112]

I don't say much, but I do love hearing about your day.

[TryingToDo180]

Thanks Woody

[MileHigh]

TTD, I hope you have a good day today. My vacation starts today, but since I was up all night again, I'll likely sleep most of it away. Maybe I'll just sleep right on thru and get on the right track for tomorrow.

Maybe you need a little box by the front door. When mail comes for H, toss it in there. Get him trained to look for it. You could put a sign over it stating that this is not the post office, and after 2 wks it goes in the trash.

[hotwheelsaust]

All the best for a good day......today/tomorrow or was it yesterday. Don't know anymore with the time differences.

[Not Quitting]

Well looks like I've got a busy day tomorrow I'm meeting a friend for a coffee in the morning and then meeting another friend for lunch Both of them are supportive friends I just want to lighten the mood again, I don't like it when things get heavy

Enjoy your day!

More post arrived for H today, it's the usual case - I'll be damned if I do and damned if I don't let him know. I'm refusing to text or ring him after the way he's been behaving of late. I was going to give my son his post when he saw him on monday, but I forgot oops

I have a corner set aside on the sideboard in the dining room for H’s mail. At least the amount he’s getting is reducing as he’s finally getting around to changing it with most places. Mainly just junk mail these days.

I missed my business appt last fri, I missed the bus and they couldn't see me any later. Seems like everyone wants to start up their own business, lol. I'm hoping it is Friday and not tomorrow, I thought I put it in my phone calendar but I can't find it

Can you phone them and just say you want to confirm the date and time?

Just watched a really funny episode of Doc Martin - series 6 episode 4. You must watch it, there's two old women on there and they are so funny, hehe

That’s not one I’ve heard of. Guess I’ll be googling it later.

[TryingToDo180]

Thanks everyone MH, good idea on the mailbox, that made me chuckle and enjoy your vacation HWA I forget what timezone Australia are as well, lol. It's 3.10 in the afternoon here so we can work it out from here
Thanks for your comments as well NQ I keep H's mail on top of the bookcase. I thought he might've picked it up by now whilst I've been out, but he obviously not been near here. I'm still worried what he might say when he does pick it up in case it's important. I know what to say, it's just I don't like this new aggressive H that he's become lately.
I've had a lovely day meeting up with my friends I went to collect my ticket as well for this cabaret Halloween night I'm going to next Saturday 26th. There's a few of us going so it should be a laugh MY son is staying over at his dad's so I don't have to rush around dropping him off at my friends and getting myself ready. Good job as well as I've got to dress up in fancy dress, lol.
I'm going to the job centre with my friend tomorrow morning as she's got an interview there as well for something different, so I'll ask them then when my appt is. I'm sure it's 1pm tomorrow.

[Not Quitting]

Aren't fancy dress parties fun! You get to be a kid again for a while. Have you decided what you're dressing up as?