Thanks for your posts. You both brought up the fine line between giving W space, which I interpreted as being separate and so not visible, and being/asserting myself, which means I sometimes am nearby and visible. Clarification below.
No, the soup was for both W and d15.
Okay, I like to go food shopping, as it breaks up the day, and so I will. If W doesn't want to drink the milk etc I bring home, that is her problem. No special treats for anyone though, as these could be interpreted as pursuing.
No, Bond, my W also makes family dinners and puts weight on eating together (though maybe not with me just now).
The kitchen is connected to the guest room, where W and d15 sleep and hang out, by a pass through, so that everything that happens in the kitchen is heard in there too. In the context of giving W space and not waking them up (they go to bed at 9), I thought it would be good to avoid using the kitchen in the evening. On the other hand, my W had no qualms about making noise in the kitchen - at 5am - when I slept in the guest room, so I guess it means I can do the same at 9 or 10 pm.
So I guess the confusion came the potential contradiction from just being myself, pursuing, giving space, and asserting myself.
Reflecting back, this is the third time my W needs space. 1. during our courtship, she moved out to her own apartment, leaving the rented house we were roommates in. I finally ended up moving in with her at the apartment. 2. in the early years of our marriage, she rented a small room in another part of town, and would invite me over sometimes. It was actually kind of romantic to do this. 3. now this. Giving her space was always good, though this time I won't compromise myself in doing so.
Thanks for pushing and reminding me of the proper track to be on.
Luke
M58, xW54 S22, D18 M 1984, D 2016 Living a new life.
