wh, I often thought my H 'should know' how to be a father too. Fact of the matter is, some just don't. This is often what became a stressor between my H and I. I would often try to intervene when he started to flounder on his discipline/fathering. I always thought he wanted me to fix things. Which I did and then usually he would walk away more frustrated because it appeared like I was siding with my son. I wasn't allowing him to LEARN how to be a father and deal with his son. Now that I have been detaching, one of my 180s is to allow him to do what he needs with S without my intervention. Unless he specifically asks.
Example, he was irritated with S because his son blew him off when he said something to him. I asked H what was wrong and he said 'it doesn't matter now'. I looked him square in the face and said (at a time when I was NOT db'ing well) 'See this is what I meant by ignoring things, it IS important and it makes you upset, so you need to talk with S about this.' I then left the room. He ended up calling S up and talking to him about what he was upset about. Did he do it the way I would have? no. But that was not the important part. It was important that he handle it himself and learn how to talk to his S, his way, even if I didn't agree with it. I only listened in and let him do what he needed to do. They actually both left the convo on a understood tone. That was a first!
We are controllers and want to fix things. Sometimes it's better to let it go, than prove you are right or correct.
Me:49 H:47 S: 16 T:27 M:25 My EA: 2001 His PA: 10/2007, 6/2013 Separated, but H still in house
Find your Shambala: a place of peace and happiness.
