He had gone to see our MT at one point a couple of months ago, because we had a serious conversation about the infrequency of our sex life while we were on vacation, and I think part of the reason seems to be he's still holding things against me from our early dating life. I still don't understand a lot of it, but that's another story.
Quote:
I'm not sure that's "another story", a poor sex life can spill over and cause seemingly unrelated marital problems. He just saw a C one time for that? That should be something that both of you should be seeking ongoing help with.
We were seeing this person together, and then stopped after last year's blowout when he said he was leaving (again). He then went to see him on his own months later, after on vacation, I said something to the effect of "if we don't fix this, either you'll have a 2nd affair, or I'll end up having one. I don't want that."
Quote:
I usually don't resort to name calling (for the most part) but I think lately I've also been feeling really taken for granted
Quote:
When you say you feel "taken for granted" I hear "love tank is on empty". Have you read the Five Love Languages? The way to get your love tank filled is to fill your spouse's first, then he will WANT to fill yours. If your response is "but I'm already filling his" then my response to that is "not in the ways he wants". Read the book and put it into practice ASAP!
Yes we took the test, but didn't actually read any book. I'll do that....his ended up being touch and (oh god I forgot the other one). We just took the quiz together a few months ago. He seemed disinterested, and said it didn't sound like him. (He always says things like that)...so I dropped it. And good luck getting anywhere near to touching him!
Quote:
It's more so that increasingly I feel like I'm in the role of giver, and he's in the role of "comfortable taker".
Quote:
That's just your perception. His perception is probably that you constantly "nag" and "complain". And please understand, I'm not saying you're a complainer. You and I both know that you're just trying to get through to him, you're trying to communicate. But you're doing it on your terms and not his. You need to learn what his terms are.
I'm sure you're right, I guess to me it seems as though I'm doing all the work, so why should he do much?
Quote:
It's not like I'm being abused or feel unloved. I just wish things were a little better, and this makes me feel like maybe we're more screwed up than I thought?
Quote:
What it means is you need more help than you thought. Too many people try to reconcile without (or with minimal) counseling. It just can't be done. The lack of sex is a huge red flag that you've had unresolved issues since getting back together. If your H expresses interest in the M again, make sure to get help. Get a good solutions-based MC, or phone in to a DB coach. Or both!
[i]Good suggestion, thanks. Glad it's par for the course, anyway. I do need help, so I'm open to anything and everything, including coaching. [/i]
