It's not so much a suggestion to let him learn, although that's a side benefit. It's more of a suggestion to keep out of it and let him resolve it on his own. You staying out of it does two things 1) it let's him resolve it or not - on his own and 2) it keeps you out of the blame game. Both are wins from my perspective.
He'll be defensive and angry etc. That's a given. What you choose to do is still to be decided but it's safe to say what you've done to date hasn't "worked" for you as well as you'd like.
Of course, within reason. For really important times you need to get involved, don't hesitate. For a meltdown though? Not so much. Your D needs to express herself and he needs to figure out how to let her. If you interrupt that, you start it all over again.
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
