This is really long....SORRY. I'm not sure how much you need to know to give advice on MLC vs WAS....but here is stuff about my H:
He comes from a broken home, very ugly divorce when he was in middle school.
When I met him (we were 20), he wasn't talking to his father at all, had/has an emotionally abusive stepdad (he's a total jerk!).
H had failed out of college and totaled his truck. His favorite grandma had just died that he was very close to. His family would always "joke" about how H is/was a "loser" and always messing up and making mistakes, etc.
H and I got pregnant before we really knew each other very well, and got married when our son was about 3 months old. (We've always had serious issues with all that...I was very innocent and just stupid for giving in and having sex with him...He was very experienced and had been having sex since junior high.)
Our marriage has always been rocky...but we were making it. We were affectionate and in love for several years.
H finished college after we married. We had three more kids. H had a great job for 12 years...then, got laid off with no warning due to the economy in 2008, and didn't find work again until 2011.
Two years after job loss (2010), we declared bankruptcy and lost our house to foreclosure. His new job is very stressful. He works nights and works 7 days a week. He is always tired and grumpy. He also has cut off most contact with his family...and has a bunch of new 20-year old friends.
A year ago, I find out about EA with old high school GF...which he still denies. Our marriage just fell apart. He lies all the time and hides stuff from me all the time. We're still having sex, but there's little affection at other times.
It's been up and down for over a year now. He'll say he's leaving and getting an apartment and a couple of days later, he's back and things are "fine".
On the DBing thing, when I try to pull away or go dark, he gets upset and says that I'm pushing him away or don't "want" him anymore. However, I'm definitely the pursuer and he is the distancer. Also, he just told me last week that he wants me to initiate ML more...but when I do, then I'm "pressuring" him.
Two weeks ago, he came home, hugged me in a bear hug, and said he loved me. Then, a couple of days later, he hated me and couldn't wait to move out.
This week, we had four good days in a row, from Thurs to Monday. Then, Monday, he tells me he wants a mediator. Yesterday, he was back home and acting fine. This morning, he tells me we need to be "civil" but need to move forward with divorce but is calling me "sweetie". UGH!
I feel like I am the CRAZY one!!!
Thoughts?
Bringing this over here my .02 is that it sounds like MLC to me.
CONFUSION = MLC
That being said your husband has many control issues. He is able to control you by his words and actions. Maybe these are some issues you need to look at for yourself.
They will not shorten his MLC but they may help YOU. And they may not make his MLC longer than it needs to be.
I am sure that CAT04 will have more words of wisdom for you.
