Becoming Patient Man III - Moving Forward

[jp787]

Anyone have any advice on how to handle telling the kids about the divorce? I already have my own thoughts on how to handle it, I just figured it couldn't hurt to ask for different opinions/perspectives.

Thanks.

-PM

My thoughts.

Talk with W first and discuss and agree on what needs and doesn't need to be said.

Get everyone (D3?) together in a safe place, living room?

Talk to D3 separate due to age?

Ok, PM this is what happened when W and I told our kids about us separating and her moving out.

W and I did not talk everything through before hand, thus the advice to do that.

We called the kids to the living room and said we need to have a family discussion, they for the most part knew.

W and I took turns talking, mostly I let W talk until I felt it was right for me to.

Ok here is the parts that might help.

One D shut down, got quiet and sat there. The other D cried and got up and walked out the door, to take a walk. So even though you plan this out, it may not go as planned and you might have to reschedule or pick it up later.

Later that night we regrouped and D15 tried to leave again We said you can go after we discuss this, as it needs to happen.

We discussed what we needed and opened it up for questions and emotions, anything was fair to say or do (minus physically hurting someone).

D17 didnt say a word, she ended up talking a little later, a few days later.

D15 cried, screamed, made it about her, how hard it would be on her.

We listened and validated.

Both D's were in IC at the time and we suggested that they talk there about that or anything, as always.

I guess make sure you make it about them and not you, I can't imagine you would.

Don't expect anything and be ready for anything.

Some people react on impulse and some hold it in.

We reassured them that this was a Mom and Dad thing, nothing that they did. We told them either of us would always be available to talk.

I have no doubt you will do this with grace and dignity. Just be ready for some sadness after, have a plan to be there for the kids AND something for you!