We've been out on several dates & had wonderful times holding hands, each other & making out, but she won't come home. She says we'll talk, but we never do, and I have given up asking her because it only seems to push her away. She will not tell me what she wants or doesn't want. Some days she's down & reaching out to me, other days she doesn't contact me at all.
I'm going to lay my patented "WAS storm" analogy on you. WAS's can appear quite calm and collected on the outside, but inside there is a raging storm with black clouds, shrieking winds and crashing waves. It's violent and scary in there, like standing in the middle of a tornado with debris spinning around you. Out of that violent storm of emotions comes the WAS's words and actions. The LBS doesn't see the storm at all, they see this calm facade with strange words and actions coming out that they don't understand. So they keep asking "why?" Why does she say this? Why does she do that? Why doesn't she just come home? Why does she act loving one day and distant the next? But if you stepped into that storm for a moment, you'd quit asking why. Once you see the storm you understand why the words and actions don't make sense. There is no logic and reason in that storm. There is no negotiating with that storm. That storm just "is". It's real, and it'll be there for quite some time. All YOU can do is give your W time and space and wait for the storm to dissipate.
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I found out that since she left, she is not entitled to reenter the home without my express permission here in NC. I'm thinking about letting her know that to hopefully shock her out of whatever bubble she is in & get her to do something. However that just seems to always backfire & send the 'wrong;' message whatever that is.
I agree that it's likely to backfire. If you need to do it for YOU, to help you move on or detach, that's one thing. But if you're trying to shock her out of it, it's doubtful it will help and it's likely it will hurt your sitch (will cause anger and resentment).
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6 weeks no & we still have not had any meaningful talk about the future despite going on many dates where she shows me affection without being asked.
She will approach you about that talk when she's ready. She's on her timeline, not yours. You need to respect her timeline. It's a lot longer than you want it to be.
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It is difficult when your wife won't articulate what it is she wants to see changed/different.
Think back months and years about what she has complained about. It's very likely that she has already told you, but you (like most of us) perceived it as nagging and didn't address it.
