hotwheels, k_p and labug - thank you for your feedback. You've given me lots of food for thought.
I will tell H about S's depression ASAP. It's what my gut was telling me to do, but I'm dealing with an mlcer, so I feel like I'm walking a minefield at the moment. I will just make sure I do this in a way that is not demanding, or will make him feel pressured.
I talked to Mom about Christmas, and told her that I was going to wait until a week or so before to discuss it with H. She was, of course, understanding, and knows that things may be last minute. My mom is the bomb!
labug: I've definitely never been a controller/fixer. My problem is that I can sometimes be an emotional clam. I tend to live in my head a lot, and keep my emotions in check. This isn't a constant state, but there are periods where I can be closed and withdrawn. Looking back over the marriage, I can see how there were likely times that H didn't feel appreciated or loved enough. This is something that I've been working hard to change over the past couple of months - reconnecting with family and old friends, talking about things with Mom, even opening up here (though the anonymity makes that easier).
