Since you went away....

[RosaLinda]

Hello all, thansks for dropping by! I haven't been posting much, trying to baby my eyes a bit. My vision gets clear then blurry, like a bad movie. It makes me so nauseous. 

I've been doing pretty well detaching and keeping out of H's way. He's been quiet but pleasant and kind to me. I thought maybe the Russian Tramp has been pushing him again, as I heard her screeching some choice words describing me a few days ago, and heard him raising his voice today. 

And now I know why. RT has been pushing - she gave him a deadline of October 2nd to tell me he's divorcing me, and has been on his back about it every couple of days since. 

He talked for 3 hours about the pros and cons of us divorcing and marrying her. 

He said he does not know what he wants to do and RT does not understand why it is a hard decision for him to make, to leave his wife of 38 years, his best friend and sole support. 

He said he would have to give up me, his mother, his siblings, and our sons and grand kids as they would never accept her. But RT does not care about that or even understand why it might bother him. And she does not understand why he loves our house and doesn't want to give it up. 

The strangest thing was asking  if I had noticed that he has not loved me and has been looking for romance for the past 4 or 5 years. I said yes, I did notice. (he's been in a MLC for 4 years!) He asked what I thought was going on with him. I said I thought he has been "going thru something" due to his sickness and not being able to work made him depressed and lose his self respect, so he has been having these EAs to boost his self esteem. And I told him RT is just like all his other EAs, he likes the infatuation, but she will soon be gone just like all the others. She is just more aggressive than the rest. 

He said maybe I'm right, he cannot understand it but he tries to be friendly and flirt with these Russian women and they all take him so seriously. 

Strangely enough he does not know why he loves her, or what she loves about him either. I said people who love each other know exactly why and told him what I love about him and what he loves about me!

Then he told me many reasons he is afraid to marry her, including she is a big mouth and argumentative and always has to be right and never takes any blame when she is wrong. She thinks she knows everything, and he keeps catching her in lies or exaggerations. She is pushy and aggressive. But her strengths balance his weaknesses. He said he and I have same weaknesses so we are not a good couple. 

Then he told me what I think is the underlying truth of this big push to divorce me. He has been amazed that his IRA has been increasing despite the govt shutdown. And he mentioned he has an IRA to RT, and she amazingly enough came up with a "plan!" He should sell our house and cash in his IRA and they can live on that. I said she is a phoney who wants wants his money and a green card, who will take half of his possessions and will leave him as soon as she gets a green card. 

He asked if I have a divorce lawyer and I lied and said no, but I have hope for reconcilliation. Then he said he would like an amicable divorce and for us to to remain friends I said I would too but think I should start moving on with my life. He agreed. 

Amazingly I feel calm and still feel hopeful for my marriage. Although I have a splitting headache and cannot get to sleep.