on the edge...

[dingo]

So I took a page out of Love Must be Tough and told her that if she wanted a divorce, to get the papers drawn up and I would sign them. I told her that I'd given her as many chances as I could but too many boundaries had been crossed. If she wants to continue to work on things - new job, absolutely zero contact and a concrete plan to avoid the temptations of the affair and start to heal the marriage. If she is not willing to do these things, she should start to plan on moving out.

After I said my peace, i went upstairs and read a book. She sat in silence for a while and then came upstairs. As per her MO, she was all goodnights and cuddles. I did say good night but otherwise didn't reciprocate any affection.

Yesterday morning before I left town, she said again that she wanted the next three days of me being gone to consider things. That she was 'leaning' towards divorce but that her mind was not made up. She actually admitted to some past failings like squandering the space that I had previously given her by using it as a way to get time with the OM, that she is confused about what the best decision is and doesn't have the strength to make one, etc.

Since Ive left town, shes texted me a number of times and called me twice, including calling me from the house line around 9pm last night to prove to me that she's actually staying at the house. I have been answered her with friendly and polite but measured responses.

She asked me for the number of the counselor so she can set up an individual appointment (she could have looked it up online). She asked me to send her a bunch of articles I had sent to her way back when the affair was outed about addiction and affairs, how to overcome them and how they are built on lies and fantasies (she could have easily gotten them from her email account). She made a point to tell me that she had set up an appointment and had read all of the articles - but wasn't interested in discussing them at this point.

I guess I shouldnt try to interpret any meaning in this but this is, at least at face value, more effort and enthusiasm than she's ever displayed to me.

I have had a pretty good time at my work training and have tried very hard to be in the moment here and not think about things. I have not initiated any contact with her and have tried to give her some space and time to see what its like without me - as much as she will let me. I go home tomorrow night and am not really looking forward to it. I can't go completely dark from her as we still live together but I do want to stay strong and convicted in this.