just passin thru. hope your day is good- whole weekend as a matter of fact.
nothin new here. freakie a bit yesterday- h arrived. gonna go on a little car trip tomorrow for four days- will be very happy to go away and not be here - etc.
need a totaly giant getaway one of these days/weeks/ years.
haven't been on a big ole trip since 2010 - seems like athousand years. oh wellhuh?
i know it could all be a hellofalot worse- - it's a lovely day- crispy & cool - warmmm in sun- made a big ole ghost hanging in tree on side yard- good painted pumpkin head - wacky face. my best achievement todayh. well, that and some banana bread. \ neice here studying with me at table- slept okay (alwyas a big item with me) . so i guess it's all okay in this mlc - jacked up world.
i got notin really- just sayin hi. we've all sort of "run out" huh? it's funny. it's goodish tho - maybe.
Ok, so I got thru a day of "not" bringing up the fact that H was out doing who knows before he came home at 3am. It was not easy! Let it go, let it all go!
I have blocked all calls from EAs rant! I have also hooked the house phone back up, it's also blocked from her, but now I'm not blocking him from using it!
I know, have always none, but am now accepting, that nothing I have done has changed anything. There is no magic stone for me to continue looking under for the one answer.
My h has said the one thing I did do with all of my "standing in his way" was stop him from going to far, he claims to have been haunted by me from doing something to outrages. Idk what that means but I am have stopped, stopping him.
In doing so tho I have separated myself from the M as well. I am having the mindset that there is no M, it is at this point only a legal bond.
He has become someone I used to know!
The past can't be ahead of you in the future. You don't have to figure it all out, just pick a direction. What's next...I don't know but I can't wait!
I have been seeing a C for sometime now, I use him to vent all of the things going on in my head. I said to him a few weeks back that I wish I had done more, that I felt I had just sat back and let him go. He said, "do you really think the outcome would have been any different?" Then I realised, no it wouldn't. He also asked me if I would be attracted to my ex if I met his as he is today. had to say NO. He is just not the man I knew. He has changed his look, the way he takes his coffee, music tastes, even using a different name.
The man I used to know no longer lives in that man he is now. Will he come back. I doubt I will ever find out. But I find it quite scary.
Ok, so I got thru a day of "not" bringing up the fact that H was out doing who knows before he came home at 3am. It was not easy! Let it go, let it all go!
Good for you, A. Because what would have been accomplished if you said anything? He would have lied or not lied. And either way, you would have gotten upset. And round and round you go.
I have blocked all calls from EAs rant! I have also hooked the house phone back up, it's also blocked from her, but now I'm not blocking him from using it!
Sweetie, you are not his mother. You can block that phone, but, there are plenty of other phones. And good for you from blocking her. Doesnt serve you well to hear from her, right?
I know, have always none, but am now accepting, that nothing I have done has changed anything. There is no magic stone for me to continue looking under for the one answer.
No, it hasnt changed anything. You know why? Because it is his journey, his crisis. You cant fix him. No matter how hard you try. Gotta be him.
My h has said the one thing I did do with all of my "standing in his way" was stop him from going to far, he claims to have been haunted by me from doing something to outrages. Idk what that means but I am have stopped, stopping him.
I think the "standing in his way" comment is very telling. He is screaming for you to let him figure this out. Your job is to get out of the way and let him. As far as whatever else he is insinuating, that it just nonsense talk from him.
I have never heard you sound so strong and resolute. It sounds good on you.
Your H has put you through the ringer and I do not blame you for wanting an end of sorts. If your H is making you that miserable, it is time time to start standing up for YOU. It may be that he truly needs you to kick his arse to the curb but this is no longer about his needs. It is about yours.
And I have every faith that you will carry this brilliantly.
I sound strong and I understand the words I'm putting out there, I just wish I was putting them into play a little better. I'm staying off H's whirly wheel tho.
~~~H speaks to me as if we are spending our lives out with each other and I can't stand the strangeness of that conversation.
He speaks to me about everything we are entangled in as a M couple as if nothing will ever change. In the same day he will say, don't put any hopes on me, I'm a looser.
My only response, I have to do what I have to do for me as do you for yourself.
My confusion is this. He says the future talk blah blah, then he says he's never going to stop being angry or be a H to me, and then he cuddles me and hangs around me, while at the same time saying this isn't the life he wanted, he failed.
I go about my day and there he is as I go to my room, or the kitchen, and then he asks me if he can make me lunch. Everyone always says go by their actions. Well, what the heck is this.
I stayed cool tho, I thanked him for doing the dishes, he said he can feel his resentment well up in him about having worked for 30yrs for nothing, I said what kinda cheese do you want on your sandwich.
It's like we both sound crazy talking in the room. My S24 was cooking and shaking his head.
Then he's asking me if I would consider leaving the state, moving for work. Then he said he's no good, I should go live my life, be free, and as long as he can work he will pay for me to live life since I want to and he doesn't.
I'm not putting any hope and dreams into his words it is just amazing how confused he is, shaking his head yes while his mouth says no.
He is very secure in the idea that I love him and am still holding him back, and will fight for him. I started to say, it's been 3 winters now since we have had...he interrupts and says "love", okay H!
There is nothing I can do apparently to make him feel unloved. He will never buy it. I love him until my death! He has tethered himself to me and convinced himself it's me who won't let him go. Is there a stage for this?
I'm doing well tho, no tears, no fighting, I am keeping to myself unless asked to join him and I am careful not to be too available because I do have a life going on somewhere.
The past can't be ahead of you in the future. You don't have to figure it all out, just pick a direction. What's next...I don't know but I can't wait!
He is definitely very confused and still doesn’t know what he wants. It also seems to me that he is trying to find the way to deal with his anger and resentment, but cannot figure it out. He is stuck in self pity. I wonder how long this could be going on. When he tells you about him being a failure and he will never stop begin angry, what is your response? Have you tried to agree with him on these statements and see if he change his attitude about himself?
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
When he tells you about him being a failure and he will never stop begin angry, what is your response? Have you tried to agree with him on these statements and see if he change his attitude about himself?
I don't respond anymore. Try agreeing with him?
Like letting him know I also think he's a looser, at least now, and he didn't do as good as he could have, and maybe he would have more money if he actually saved.
I used to in the beginning in my anger...nothing matters and it does me know good to insult someone who can do it better for himself.
He believes I am his forever groupie, it's not worth talking to him, I stay very quiet, do what works stfu works for me.
The past can't be ahead of you in the future. You don't have to figure it all out, just pick a direction. What's next...I don't know but I can't wait!
For the 6th time H has to pay for his wrong turn to hang out at a bar with ea. Times seem to be according closer and closer that he is socked with a ticket, or needing a tow while on the wrong side of town. Now he needs a $100 tow and from over there to a mechanic, where he has to leave it for the weekend and take a train home.
I want to tell him to make his way to live there. He's has lost his job, his wife, money and now the car is costing us in tickets and tows. That's why we moved away but he needs to see ea, so go already because there seems to be a price to pay this for act and I'm afraid it's going to get worse.
It feels as if the universe is screaming at him to stay away, but he forcing the issue, me, money, time and it's fighting back! Then who does he need to call each time, me because we are M.
The past can't be ahead of you in the future. You don't have to figure it all out, just pick a direction. What's next...I don't know but I can't wait!
