Me 11 months on.

[Fartiltre]

HWA,

Just want to let you know that I think it is so great seeing you work through this contact or no contact.
You have all the emotions but you do not act on them and now you even start to predict how an action will make you feel later on!
You ask for advice and then you stop and think about the advice given. Just a few months ago you asked for advice and acted before it was given.

You have come a loooong way – well done!

F

[hotwheelsaust]

Thanks F, I appreciate that.

I have actually contacted DB to organise another coaching session before the son's birthday in two weeks time.

[TryingToDo180]

I agree with F Well done

[lostinpgh]

Just a little bit more time to think about above comments. In some ways I am scared/worried about the cheeseless tunnels. While I know where I am in the sitch isn't a great place, in someways it feels better than trying to contact her and get nothing in return. It's the getting used to no expectations that is the normal now, but if I start to text, then I will start to get my expectations up.

If that makes sense.

Its a bit like: the devil I do, the devil I don't

I can completely relate to this! My husband moved out in the beginning of Aug and the only communication we've had is when I message him. We have talked 3 times online and that's it. Haven't heard a word from him from text/ phone/ etc.
We don't have any kids so there's really no pressing issues that we need to be in contact for.

When I think about it, I think for me its the fear of being rejected if I try to call or text and don't get a reply that keeps me dark. It would feel like a fresh wound to heal and I'm already trying to protect my heart from being destroyed even further.

[hotwheelsaust]

Thanks for joining in lostinpgh. Rejection is very hard, especially coming from someone you love so much, which in turn does destroy your heart even more.

[hotwheelsaust]

Ok, update time.
Have booked for another 3 sessions with DB coach. Looking forward to this. Will possibly try to get these sessions done before my move in 8 weeks time.
Will keep you updated. First session is Monday afternoon your time.
Will start a new topic title over the weekend as well.

[TryingToDo180]

That's good news I look forward to hearing what the coaches have to say

[Fartiltre]

I just felt like bringing this into your own thread:

Somehow, I feel this is what is happening with my W. She probably expected I would move on by now, expected me to be angry and say nasty things behind her back, to buy the house off her or sell it, and to start divorce proceedings. Since I haven't done any of these, she only has the last option, to ignore me.

You could be right but the case is that she just can’t keep on doing that! She can do it for now, but not for ever! The two of you are hooked up in a house and more important your sons – you will have to interact!

I think this long period of NC that you have had will serve you good when you finally do meet up and talk. The impact on her of the changes you made will be much stronger. I don’t know where the two of us will end up but one thing is totally certain and that is that it will be a new life and our Ws will be a part of them.
The insights gained and the mountains climbed will make us stronger and better and perhaps Ws will see that one day.

Also this one:

I am so jealous of the amount of GAL stuff you can manage to do, either with your kids or by yourself. It's fantastic and can only help heal you quicker and better.

First: Thanks for the kind words! 25mlc hammered me some months ago about this and I have been working hard on this.
I know your worries about moving but when you get to the city promise me to do this work!!! It feels totally awkward at first because you suddenly takes all these initiatives but my experience is that when people see it is consistent they suddenly start to invite and take initiatives. I have gone from almost nothing to turning down invitations, my friends call me before setting a date and ask if I will be able to make it and so on – it feels great and it is all about focus and initiative.
Due to this I believe that city will be so good for you!

Make yourself a nice set of goals on this one!

Great news about the coach! I think C will be amazed when they talk to you now and I think it will do you good to actually talk to a human being for an hour without minding words, tone and all of that

F

[hotwheelsaust]

Thanks again F. I am really looking forward to going back to the city. My plans, goals and GAL.
Even simple things like fixing the house up, will do wonders. But most importantly, the GAL will be getting out with people.

In a way the W probably can keep ignoring me: the house is owned mostly by the bank, so selling it at this time is a loss (with the house prices being down), very little equity. She is comfortable about mortgage payments since I am doing them all. And since she doesn't want any of the furniture or other belongings, what is she missing?

She literally has walked away from it all, without it seems, a care about any of it.

She gets to talk and see the boys, and I believe her interactions is the same as before BD. She is living her life the way she wants to be, or so it seems.

It will be me that most probably will have to force the issue of paying for the mortgage or splitting the assets. And I think she knows that and is playing that card.

Again I could simple be mindreading about it all. Still it will be good to speak to the coach, especially with my new attitude and/or less emotion in the sitch.

[lostinpgh]

Good luck with your upcoming coaching sessions! I hope all goes well and you can gain some new insight.