Daughters birthday is coming up. I decided to throw her a surprise party. I told W she was welcome to join in and celebrate it with us.
Wow! Well that had to be a tough thing for you to do, but I think it's a great move towards maintaining a good coparenting relationship. Good job!
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I am trying very hard to live my life in a healthy, happy way. I am conscious of my shortcomings, and I know that I have to actively work on improving myself. That alone is going to help me grow. Plus, I really want to grow and be a better person for myself and the people around me.
^^THAT^^ should be printed out and posted somewhere where you will see it every day
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From time to time, I still feel a whole lot of anger as well. Just this morning, I woke up thinking about W again. I didn't wake with happy reminiscent dreams. I woke just flat pissed off at how she could do what she has done, not only to me, but mainly to daughter. I know that is just more of the same line of thinking, but I don't believe I have any control of my dreams.
The anger is masking pain. Anger is an easy place to live. Pain isn't. But pain is temporary whereas anger will weave its tentacles all through your body. When you get angry, ask yourself why? Is it because you love your wife and want her to quit this crazy behavior and just come home already? And it brings you pain and sorrow that she does not? Or maybe it's because the sitch is hurting you financially, or taking you away from your D. Or maybe it's all of those things, or something else. Whatever it is, explore it, get to the ROOT of the pain and feel it, experience it, process it. Work through the hurt, don't use anger as a shield to hide from it.
