DD, Your wife is feeling a huge sense of relief now that the bomb has dropped- that's probably why she's upbeat.
Within the last few days, I found out that some friends are getting a D. When the wife told the husband that she was done with him and his promises to change, he made all the typical mistakes that you read about on here. I heard about it from his WAWs perspective. She was so disgusted with his crying and guilting, she said she thought to herself "dude, man up and grow a pair, you look pathetic". I cringed when I heard that. However, I have to believe that's how many WAWs perceive their spouses during and after BD.
I read so many stories on here where the soon to be ex-husbands turn themselves into simpy, wimpy "yes" men thinking that that's what will bring their wives back. WRONG! It's not attractive to them! Just because you are meeting your wife's most important emotional needs doesn't mean that you need to become a wimp! You can be kind, attentive and caring while also being manly and attractive! Why do some men on here find that the two are mutually exclusive?
DD, it will be hard for you to be firm with your wife now because she knows that you knew of her affair and didn't come out and call her on it. As hard as it will be, however, you have to regain your footing and strength. You can still meet her needs and keep your changes, but you must regain your attractive, in control, masculine side. Empower yourself with knowledge. Visit with your attorney. Investigate and find out what your wife has been, and is, up to. Your wife MUST know that you are a take charge guy (not a jerk- a take charge guy), and that her bad actions will result in consequences from you. I'm NOT suggesting you say anything to her, and certainly don't tell her that you will dish out consequences! I'm saying that that is the perception of you that you want her to have. You want to keep your marriage, and make it better than before- agreeing to always put each other first from now on. But if not, you will do what you need to do.
